May 25, 2022
I’m a complete addict.
I have no control.
I can’t help it. I don’t really understand. It hurts. It’s so relentless. I can’t stop wanting things. What the heck is wrong with me. It’s stuff outside of my body that my body craves. Things I KNOW won’t bring any satisfaction.
What kind of a mind am I carrying. It’s a monkey mind. It’s so underdeveloped. So untrained. So primitive. So confused.
It tingles in a circle and glows and blinks.
“Go and smoke!” Says the voice.
I tell the voice to shut the fuck up.
“Go let loose! Relax! You’ve earned it! It’ll be a reward!”
I said shut the fuck up.
“Fuck the world! Who cares about anything anyways. Everything will be ok in the end! There’s no rush! You can relax!”
Go away.
I want Jesus.
He helps me always. He knows me. He knows how to help. He’s in my heart. He loves me. He loves me. He loves me. He glows. He turns me on. He turns this whole world alight. He holds me. He knows me. He wants me. He likes me. He needs me. I need him. I want him. I want him to help me. I want his help.
I’m so confused.
I’m so young.