Starting Something New

Feb 22, 2022

I am at the end of my rope I think. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to keep doing this. I need a break. I’m losing my mind.

















It’s so hard. I have no money. I’m scared. I can’t afford anything and now I’m going deeper and deeper in debt.


I’ve gotta make a video every day for a year. It can be anything. I think something like the Casey Neistat  kinda thing. Basically videos where I’m just talking. Sorta like three years ago when I quit drinking and I used to record myself every night.

A Democratic Shrimp

 Feb 17, 2023
    I’m agitated. But not for long. Soon I’ll be floating. I’ll have moved through the illusion of density. I’ll have turned all of the sky into beads of hope. It’ll be like learning how to sing. I’ll  notice my hand over my heart as the love starts pouring in. I’ll start to feel for something deeper. Something more natural. It will take some time. 
    I’m blasting men apart, cell by cell. They’re being blown to bits. Up in the rafters is a pink cube. It floats there. I see it move gently. Like something blowing in the wind. I talk to it in my mind. I sense that it knows me. I think that it’s in the room right now. I can’t see it with my eyes. I see it in other ways. It’s always been a part of this thing I call ME!!!!!
    The lawyer threw his book onto the floor. Then he mounted that book. He stood on it. He surveyed the courtroom. “Who here has fucked a shrimp?”
    One boy near the front raised his hand.
    “What’s your name?” Asked the lawyer. 
    
“Sam,” replied the lad.
    “Why’d you fuck that shrimp?” Asked the lawyer with a look of great pain.
    “I was in the river. I was looking for gold. And- and suddenly I saw a bird overhead. It was pregnant. The belly was swollen!” 
    “Get on with it, Sam!” Screamed the lawyer. “There’s only so much courtroom humidity one can handle!”
Sam bowed his head. He closed his eyes and started moving his lips. He appeared to be memorizing Japanese poetry. Then he opened his eyes. “So I was sifting through the river! And suddenly something pressed against my leg! I reached down! I felt something soft against my leg. I- I pulled it from the water and held it up!”
    “And what it be?” Asked the lawyer as he dismounted the book and crept towards Sam.

    “It was a Haitian shrimp!” Cried Sam. “I stared into the eyes of a Haitian shrimp! I knew things in that moment that young boys should never know!!!”
    The courtroom suddenly erupted in applause. Grown men screamed like captains of a football team. They punched the air. The lawyer nodded his head and smiled as he clapped his hands above his head. He prompted the crowd to do the same. Now everyone was doing a little jig. They clapped their hands above their heads and did a merry prance. 
    Sam got down on the floor and curled up into a ball. He was remembering that moment in the river. He tried to hide his tears. He was embarrassed to show his emotions. 

God Growls Greedily

  Feb 16, 2023 
    Here it is. Here is all the matter.
    I’m in Mooloolaba. It’s 8:07 pm. I’m sitting by the pool. There’s lots of people hanging out. They’re speaking languages I don’t know. It’s a nice spot. 
    Today I walked to Maroochydore. It’s about an hour’s walk north. I went to deposit money in the bank. It’s great that Australia has the coin counters everywhere. Afterwards I went to Hungry Jack’s. They have good veggie burgers. Then I went to a camera store. I want a little point and shoot camera. I want a nice camera that I can fit in my pocket. My Canon is really nice but I don’t always want to carry it around. Sometimes I can’t. I want something that I can have in my pocket. I want the Ricoh GR3x…..
    Yesterday a man came up to me while I was busking. He asked if I had a card. I said I didn’t. He said that his brother might be looking for a musician to play at his shop. He asked if I was good enough to be payed. I said I didn’t know, but that I’d do a little audition for him right there. So he sat down and I played him ‘You Got A Friend In Me’. I think he liked it. I think he was recording the audio as well. He asked for my phone number. I guess we’ll see what happens. I would love to have a consistent gig playing in some shop. That would be great. 
    It made me think that I should have an Instagram account dedicated to my live music. That way I can reach out to pubs and cafe’s through instagram. I can post clips of my performances. 
    I just wanna love that dog. I want that little Hitler to fuck me. I want to turn up to some house and blast all the walls apart. I wanna tear the glass out of the sky and put it in the cement mixer. I’m gonna make it happen, you know. It’s only a matter of time. That is a promise.
    So Arnold wandered into his mother’s bedroom. He found her face down on the floor.
    “Get up!” Cried Arnold. “Don’t be dead!” 
    Arnold’s mother twitched like a vacuum. Then she rolled onto her back. “Look at me,” she whispered. “I’m down here and you’re way up there. How’d we get so far from the truth.”
    “I’m calling my lawyer,” declared Arnold, pointing his finger at his belly. “I’m gonna ask that you be taken away. You’re not good for me.”
    “Don’t make lies. Don’t make stuff up in your mother's bedroom.”
    
“I’m not a liar!” Cried Arnold. He did a sudden backflip to prove his power. “I’m in charge of this house! I’m stressed like no other! Like a mother on fire! Like a girl with braids! I’m the one who has to hear you fuck!”
    “Just get me some water,” asked the mother. “Then we can talk like proper gentlemen. Get me some water and place it GENTLY on the floor.”
    Arnold left the room. He descended the steps five at a time. He ran past the kitchen. He left the house through the back. He ran through the garden and jumped as hard as he could. He started to float up into the sky. He noticed that he could feel a vibration. He was everyone. He was everywhere. There was no longer any time. Everything had already happened. It was all collapsing into a little red sphere! 
    Then he was outside of the neon doughnut. He was watching all of nature unfold itself. It was shimmering like electricity running through a wire. He was told to understand the truth. He held out his hand and absorbed light, like a leaf. He started to remember that he’d been here before. He’d actually never left. It was all suddenly so obvious. He closed his eyes and left his body. The walls become baked into the stones. The shadows solidified into form. The grass started blowing. The trees leaned way over. The flags whipped about.

Reptiles Are In Me

  Feb 15, 2023
    I’m in Mooloolaba. It’s 9:13 am. I’m having coffee by the pool. It’s sunny outside. I don’t know how I got here. It feels sorta surreal. It feels like I was just sitting at home in El Pueblo, freezing cold and sorta frustrated with life. Now I’m here. It feels like the things I want are rushing towards me. I just had to take a couple of initial leaps. I still don’t know what’s gonna happen but I think it’ll be ok.
    I just booked myself for a second week at this hostel. I was supposed to leave on the 18th, but now it’s the 25th. 
    I’m gonna try and busk for five hours a day. Two and a half hours in the morning and two and a half in the evening. Those seem to be the busy times along the boardwalk. 
    I played at an open mic last night. I honestly couldn’t believe how I sounded coming through the speakers. I’ve improved so much from when I started playing open-mics. My voice was shaky and nervous when I started. I remember playing those places in Toronto and always being slightly horrified at how I sounded. Last night was different. It just felt and sounded so effortless. I remember being in Toronto and being sure that I’d never really be able to sing the way I wanted. Last night was proof that I was wrong. I have definitely improved, and that is really really exciting.
    I really wanna travel to Europe with Brian this summer. I just gotta see if I can save enough money! It would be such an awesome trip. 
    I need to shave. My neck is so itchy. 
    Have you seen all the little tadpoles swimming through the river? They go darting between the rocks. They burn all the stragglers. The tadpoles that are slow. They get burned alive. It’s horrible. It really makes you weep. I’ve often thought about their customs. Their culture and their beliefs. They’re so aggressive. The tadpoles love pain. It’s a part of who they are. I hover above them and watch. They really have no idea what they’re a part of. They are connected to so much. They are everything. 
    Part of the feeling in my heart is pure bliss. It’s a deep, deep knowing that everything is ok. Everything is here right now. I just need to remove and unlearn. I need to really observe myself and pay attention to how I think. It can be fun to observe. So often I just react. But I can observe this and see how unconscious I am most of the time. So many things I hold to be true are thoughts. THOUGHTS! It’s ok though. 
    Every one was on the hill. They were watching the priest remove turtles from his ass.
    “Watch me!” Screamed the priest. “This is for your own good!”
    The towns people vomited in disgust. They were really turned off. A few of them ran down the hill.
    
“Don’t be shaming us!” Cried a man. “This ain't Godly! This is really messed up! I’ve never seen a worse sight!” 
    “You are a coward,” whispered the priest, as he removed a snapping turtle from his ass hole. “You watch me with eyes of pity. We are the same. I’m willing to stand here and prove it!”
    A lantern hanging from a pole burst into flames. Then the rocks started vibrating. They rolled around and split apart. 
    The townspeople shrieked and panicked. They scurried down the hill. Boulders were chasing them all the way.
    The priest continued tor remove reptiles from himself. He screamed in agony as the hill was torn apart. 

What Do I Do

 Feb 14, 2023











I’m sitting in a bean bag in Mooloolaba. It’s 9:32 am. I’m having my coffee. Everyone’s been sending me articles about how fighter-jets are shooting down ‘UFO’s’.

























I’m not really that interested in the story. I’m more interested in how they’re phrasing certain things. That’s how you can tell things are changing.



















The fact that they keep repeating that they ‘can’t rule out extra-terrestrials’ is pretty interesting. 



















Not because I’m thinking these might be real extra-terrestrials. I have no idea and I don’t really care whether or not they are.



















There’s a huge disclosure movement going on behind the scenes right now, and so I’ve been really interested to see how they’ll go about releasing information.



















It looks like what they’re doing is just getting people familiar with certain terms. I heard one person put it pretty well. They said that they’re slowly acclimating people to these concepts.



















That way when their’s a full blown UFO or alien story, everyone will be like ‘yah big deal we already saw this coming.' 
So I’m not all that interested in the details of the news stories. I’m sure there’ll be more and more.

























What’s interesting is seeing the way they’re choosing to go about priming people. The fact that they’re even talking and reporting on it is interesting. This world is gonna be so different. It’s pretty exciting.

















I really wanna keep travelling. I just don’t know what to do about money. It’s pretty frustrating. This one little thing. If I could just solve that then everything would be different. 



 





















I really wanna feel free. I don’t know what to do. I would love some help.

















I don’t want to work some job I hate. I’m not gonna do that anymore. It doesn’t make sense.

















I want to be able to make money while I’m travelling, and I want to do it in a way that is right for me.


I just don’t really know what to do.



















I can busk, and that makes a bit of money. I would like to get a job playing at cafe’s or bars.



















The only problem with that is then I’m stuck in one place again.

I Need Routine

 Feb 13, 2023
















All my life I’ve wanted to build up my energy so that I could catapult it into the sea. It would enter the waves and just turn on like some great lava pit. That would make all the sailors happy. They’d be able to drift into the abyss.











Have you known that you were smothered? Did that ever occur to you? What about when you realized that you were different? Didn’t you notice it then?



















I thought you had to go away for a while. You said that you were underground in the cities. Didn’t you grow your own food down there?



















It’s happening at an astonishing rate. Everything is getting built up like you wouldn’t believe.

























I need nail clippers. I need to have a food routine. I need to understand how to use blogger. I would prefer that each post has things created on the same day. 



















I guess the best thing to do is to try and write every day.

























But what if I’m posting photos from a couple days ago. And I wanna write about that day. Then I’m gonna have to write something, and the writing won’t have been done the day of the photos. Maybe the posts are dated when the writing was written.
 
I did some busking today. I was there for about two and a half hours. I made about $20. I would’ve stayed longer but the battery for the guitar amp died.


There’s an open mic tomorrow. I’m gonna play at that. 

























I would like to see if I could get a job playing at one of the cafe’s or bars around here. That would be awesome, because that way I could make money and practise. It would be consistent and a reliable way of making money. 

























My goal is to make $500 a week. I have no idea how I’m gonna do this but it’s my goal. I don’t want to work jobs I hate. I gotta get creative.

I Wanna Keep Travelling


Feb 12, 2023

Here I am at the end of the world. No one is allowed to talk to me anymore. I’m in charge of everything. I am alone in the most positive way. I can think for myself and be a better man. I am in charge. I am in control of everything. I have always known this.

Talk to yourself if you’re feeling lucky. It’ll make you think you deserve a raise. Then you’ll go for it. You’ll blast through those doors and build a better life for yourself. Just consider all the homeless lawyers who turned their lives around. It’s a powerful vision. It’ll change your perception of reality.

I’m so happy to know that ghosts are real. It really is great news. I just hope that someone else will sit close to me and make me look younger. Look at this guy.

Now my whole body is vibrating. But I’m not supposed to let my environment dictate how I feel. I am the master of myself. I have always sucked life from your face.

The master of fire is burning. He’s begging me for water. I told him that I don’t have any.

I’m in Mooloolaba. It’s 10:10 am. I got here yesterday. I booked myself for a week. I finally made some money from busking last night. I was really worried because that’s how I wanted to support myself on this trip.

I’ve really enjoyed travelling around so far. This is the kinda life I want to live. I want to travel the world, doing my art. I want a blog where I can post my writing, my photos, my videos and my music. It will happen. It feels like it’s all coming together. I want to support myself through my art in a way that’s right for me. In a way that I don’t feel the pressure of expectations. In a way that I feel free to express myself in whatever way I want.

Arriving In Mooloolaba!

 Feb 11, 2023 















I left Brisbane. I got to the train station about an hour early. I went for some breakfast. I had poached eggs and coffee. I felt so fancy. 









Then I boarded the train. It was nice ride. The scenery out the window was amazing. 















I edited some photos on my laptop during the ride.




















I arrived at my station. I exited the train and boarded a bus. The man sitting across from me was meditating, so I did the same. I imagined that there was a cord connecting our hearts. We were syncing up and raising the vibration of the whole bus!



I got off the bus and walked to my hostel. There was a glimmering pool waiting for me! 










I went to my room and met a young German. His name was Bennie. I remembered it because it reminded me of 'Bennie and the Jets'. 




He asked if I wanted to join him for a swim in the pool. I agreed. We swam and chatted about our lives.







 











Afterwards I went for a walk. I wanted to see how busy the road by the beach was. 

 I was planning on busking there. I came to Mooloolaba because I knew I could make a bit of money here. 

I'd busked here while I was staying with Pablo and Yoga. I had to leave Brisbane because I hardly made any money from busking there. 












Last Day in Brisbane

 February 10, 2023 










    My last day in Brisbane. I went for some more walking. 














   

 Once you're away from downtown it starts to feel way different. There's lots of big hills and old trees.






It was my birthday so I bought a pizza. One of the tables started singing 'Happy Birthday' while I was ordering. It was super weird. It turned out to be someone else's birthday as well.






























I also got a nice hair cut. The barber was cutting the hair of an old Italian man when I arrived. 



The Italian chatted with me for a little while. He told me it was his dream to ride the train across Canada with his wife.