May 5, 2022
It’s a sunny day. I feel good because there’s a lot to be excited about. I also feel a bit stressed because I seem to owe so much money. And I still don’t have my passport. I tried calling them just now but they won’t even let you wait on hold. They just say all lines are busy and then they hang up.
Everything is going to be completely fine in the end.
Dreams
The first dream was really weird and really made me feel funny.
I was here at home. I was with Liam and some random guy and maybe a few other guys. We were all sitting in the living room. At one point I noticed the random man had a knife with him. He was concealing it under the table. At some point he told me that he was going to kill everyone, but if I wanted to leave he would let me, just as long as I left without telling anyone that I was leaving or what was about to happen.
I feel like I had been arguing with Liam in the dream, so I didn’t mind making this deal at first.
I didn’t really know when to leave. I think that after I used the bathroom I decided to start putting on my shoes. I was becoming very stressed. I realized that I’d left my laptop in the living room but I figured that it would be best to leave it. As I was tying my shoes I peeked into the living room and I could see that the man had Liam on his knees and that he was putting the knife into his neck. I had the most conflicting feeling, because my brother was being murdered right in front of me, but I also wanted to save myself. I left the house quietly with the most unbelievable guilt. I think I just walked up the street feeling horrible.
This dream is interesting because it seems closely related to what I was reading in 1984 last night. One of the ways they destroy people emotionally is use their worst fear against them. In Winstons’s case they told him they were going to let rats eat his face. In that moment he’s so terrified that he begs that they do it to Julia instead. Julia was the love of his life.
After that Winston is somewhat a different person, because he realized what he was willing to do in order to save himself. The Party uses this method to destroy their prisoners emotionally.
After I read this I thought it was maybe a little over dramatic. I felt that even if a prisoner did ask that their pain be given to their loved one, that this wouldn’t really have a lasting impact on them emotionally.
Now I felt like I understood how Winston felt. I had saved myself, but I now felt despicable and selfish.
Something about David Attenborough and how in the dream he was strongly atheist to the point of ridiculing anyone for believing in God.
I think that he had Jeremy Clarkson’s personality. He was being very rude and condescending.
People were talking about what a shame it was that he’d been so beloved for so many years and had made so many movies that people loved, and now he had done a 180 and totally annihilated everyone. He was vicious.
I go to use the bathroom but there’s a mother and father teaching their toddler how to use the urinal. The dad is lifting his son up and holding him near the urinal. The boy just hangs their peeing forwards with his arms hanging at his sides.
Someone tells me I should use the bathroom downstairs. I think the guy is Marzio from the open-mics.
I go down some tight spiral staircase. I enter a the stall but the door won’t lock. The stall actually has two doors, but neither are locking. The walls of the stall are covered in an advertisement for Twitter. I think it’s implying that a big portion of their users are using Twitter while on the toilet.
I leave the bathroom. Now I’m in a gym. I go over to one of the exercise machines. There’s a very cute girl there. She’s telling someone else that she broke a bone when she first used the machine. She’d done something wrong.
There’s a sheet of paper that suggests exercises you should do. I ask the girl to come over and explain one to me. She finds it weird and funny that I don’t understand. She goes away but says she’ll be back. I wait around but she never comes.
Later in the dream someone says something about how I was reading it wrong. The exercise wasn’t ‘dreams in knives’ but ‘knives in dreams’.
The instruction had something to do with dream psychology I think? Not actually an exercise?
Something like that, I don’t really know.
I’m going to buy Pizza. All the shops are built on stilts above an enormous black abyss. There’s one wooden plank that acts like a sidewalk and connects all the shops. I walk along the plank to get some pizza. Later in the dream I go back and the guy says he’s not open. I think something bad had happened. Maybe he was robbed? I leave to find somewhere else to eat.
There’s a big house with lots of people inside. I tell them that I’ll bring them all bags of popcorn from The Fox.