May 16, 2022
I’m at home. It’s raining but it’s really pretty.
I had lots of interesting dreams. I’ve been recording them into my phone when I wake up. That makes it a lot easier to get them all down.
It all feels really beautiful and exciting but then it feels like a bit of a slog to sit down and write it all out. I feel that it’s important, though.
Renita texted me this morning. She sent a GIF of Buddha. I thought it was weirdly appropriate, especially after the dreams I’d had. Apparently today is when they celebrate his birthday.
I was happy to text her. I told her I wanna hang out with her soon because I have so much to talk about.
We’re gonna talk on the phone tomorrow.
Also in a little bit I’m gonna have a phone call with a Reiki lady. I’m really excited about that. Two people I get to talk to about this stuff! Two people who are already into this stuff.
Yesterday I went to the cemetery with Nana and Dad. Then we had dinner at The Roy. It was a nice evening. Dad leaves later today for Ireland. He’ll be back in October.
I have a funny way of learning lessons through him. It’s subtle and easy to miss. He’ll sometimes say something that upsets or hurts me. Now I see that I can use the opportunity to practise patience.
I have similar experiences with Tyler. I’m trying my best to understand that he’s not malicious.
Gabriel said that maybe he’s just in his head and not fully in the conversation. This might lead to confusion in communication. I think that’s closer to the truth.
I was talking with him a moment ago. I was being really patient. I noticed that he’ll say stuff that doesn’t exactly make sense, or he’ll ask a question about something that we literally just clarified. I realize that Gabriel might be right.
I don’t think he’s fully in the conversation he’s having, which leads him to say things that don’t totally make sense. I end up having a difficult time understanding him.
I just need to be patient and really listen. I’ll often answer immediately after he’s finished talking. I continue the thread of confusion.
This time I kinda repeated what I’d said and made sure he understood.
Sometimes he doesn’t say what he means. I kind of have to help him get to the point.
So that could be a good lesson for me. Because I often feel really bad after I interact with him. I feel that he will say stuff that doesn’t make sense, or he won’t say what he wants to say. Then I start mirroring that. I become the thing that bothers me about him.
Afterwards I sit there wondering why I suddenly forgot how to think or speak.
I need to take a breath before I respond.
Dreams
I’m out front of the house.
Carter and Bri arrive to pick me up.
I tell Bri I’m so excited to see her.
She get’s annoyed by my excitement and feels that I’m being fake. I know in myself that I’m not being fake. I don’t want to get in their car.
Jack pulls up next to them in this huge black pick up truck. I get in. We drive downtown. I’m so high above the road.
He drops me off somewhere.
I’m with Tyler and Carter. Tyler has a bag of mushrooms. I eat a bunch. We keep walking.
It’s very foggy. I normally use skyscrapers to orient myself, but I can’t because the fog obscures the buildings. I don’t know street names so Carter has to lead us.
We get to a restaurant. It turns out Mami, nana, dad and mom are joining us, like a surprise. I’m happy to see them. I worry they might get weirded out because the mushrooms are starting to kick in.
I get up to use the bathroom. I’m about the push the bathroom door when a short man starts yelling at me. He says he’s in line. I go to wait behind him. He’s still angry.
I say ‘dude I’ve never been here before, how am I supposed to know there’s only one toilet in there.’
He kinda retreats into the bathroom, still yelling.
I’m entering a grocery store. Mom and the group I’m with have already gone in.
I’m hanging up my bag and jacket. I can’t enter the store right away. There’s work being done on some gate. I’m waiting.
There’s two girls and a dad. The girls are about 2. I’m making funny faces at them and then chatting with the dad.
Then they look more like 12-14. They sound like they’re 3. They’re talking to me about going to the dentist. I’m having a nice time listening to them, but I feel that people around might think it’s weird that I’m talking to these young girls. I know that I’m not doing anything bad, and I know that the girls know this, but I worry that other adults and the father will think I’m being creepy. As soon as the work on the gate finishes I enter the store and walk away.
I’m catching up to my group. I overhear Brenya talking about feminism. I hear one of the staff saying to his co-workers that if he hears those people mention feminism one more time that he’ll kick them the fuck out.
I start talking to this guy. I ask him questions. I’m trying to be very civilized and I’m not trying to fight him at all. Just a discussion. I feel really good that even though we have different opinions we’re able to talk peacefully.
I’m in a kids video game/movie. I’m with other people. We’re in the bowels of some dark castle. There’s tall skeletons around us. I have a sword and I’m fighting them. It’s fun because the skeletons are slow and weak.
Then we’re ascending stairs. I can somehow see Kris Jenner talking on the phone. She’s sorta nervous. I know that we’re coming up the stairs into some big commotion. We enter a big room with beautiful staircases. There’s people all around and news cameras. Something is happening. I run outside.
All around are little clusters of sparkling little lights. There’s something divine about them. I’m so happy to see them.
I suddenly glide very smoothly to the floor and lie down. I feel blissful and empty. I have no weight. Just awareness.
A beautiful girl comes up. I ask to cuddle with her.
Then we’re on a bed. I think she’s one of the Kardashians. She has jeans. She says she’s dating Carter.
I tell her she’s beautiful. She says she feels guilty because I’m friends with Carter. I sort of knew it was a dream and so I knew it wouldn’t matter if we hooked up. We started kissing. It felt very good but then the dream shifted.
I’m out front of a grocery store. A bus is pulling in. I see Luke Ripley. We smile and wave at each other. It feels nice.
I’m walking home now. I know that I’m in a small town and it’ll take a while to get back to Toronto.
Some boys are behind me. They run up behind and stop me. I know they wanna rob me. They’re tall. Maybe a couple years younger than me.
They start punching me. They’re laughing. I run into a store directly to my right. It’s a sporting goods store. The owner inside wants us to leave and stop fighting. I tell him I’ll buy $50 worth of stuff if he lets me stay. The other boys reveal they only have a couple of dollars in their pockets. The owner points to me and says ‘I’m going with this guy’.
I don’t want to be fighting with the boys. I ask if they’re hungry and offer to buy them a pizza. Suddenly they have pizzas. One boy drops a pizza and gets sauce on the counter. I help him clean it up.
The boys start playing pool. I walk around the store deciding what to buy. I bump into the boys. I formally introduce myself and we shake hands. He says his name is Dave.
Then I woke up. I felt so good when I woke up. I really felt like I had tried to help these boys. I felt like I had improved their lives.
When we first entered the store I remember thinking that I was offering my body to be a vessel to ‘god’ or to the angles, because I didn’t know how to handle the situation.
It ended so peacefully and on good terms and I felt so wonderful.