May 10, 2022
I don’t know why but it seems like I’ve been thinking about Miranda a lot again. I think it’s more that when I think about girls, she’s just the one that kinda represents all girls for me.
It seemed to start after mom and her boyfriend came to visit. I wonder if it’s something about being around a couple.
At a deeper level I don’t feel a need for a girlfriend. It feels like there’s some blockage, though. Before mom and her boyfriend came to visit I was meditating a lot and was really feeling like I was learning how to love myself. Now I feel as though I gotta start all over.
I think it’s partly because I haven’t played an open mic in so long. I’ve been so busy this week.
I also started craving weed two nights ago. I had completely forgotten about weed. That tells me that there is definitely some confusion going on. I’m looking for external relief (girls, weed), when all the answers are within!
Dreams
I only remember one dream. I haven’t been very good at writing them down as soon as I wake up. I want to keep doing that. It was a nice way of connecting to something bigger than myself.
In the dream I was with mom and Miranda. It’s crazy how many dreams Miranda is in.
The three of us were at some plaza. I think mom asked me if I ever texted Miranda again. Miranda said “No, he didn’t!”
I was like “yah I did!”
I don’t really remember the details but I think Mom asked her if she had been expecting me to keep texting her. I think Miranda said yes. Then mom said that the two of us should still hang out if that’s what we both want.
Miranda said that maybe we could go on a date to Times Square in a couple of months.