April 12, 2022
A very tall ladder was pointed up the sky. A crowd of people stood around it, gazing upwards.
“What do you suppose lies at the top?” Asked a terribly ugly man.
“Pumpkin?” Suggested a boy. “A field of pumpkins perhaps?”
“That’s a fucking crazy idea. Where do you come up with this nonsense. Will you just go fuck yourself already? I’m sick of this feeling of trying to do what pleases you. It’s like this building up of pressure. I just want you to go fuck yourself and die in like 65 years. Can ya do that for me?”
The boy laughed at his hand and tried to be confident. He got down on the dirt and fucked it like his life depended on it. “You may say I’m a dreamer!! But I’m not the only one!!” Howled the teen.
Later that day the police showed up and arrested all the peasants. The cops then went into the homes and burned all of the Bibles and smashed the plates. They used the silver ware to scour the earth for riches.
Darth Vader sat in his throne just down the street. He beckoned for one of his boys to come over and give him an update. “How’s my shrimp coming, you loser?”
“It’s cooking as we speak. It’s three times hotter than last week. No cold shrimp for your majesty.”
“Fuckin rad, my friend,” nodded Darth Vader as he gabbed some hamsters from a bowl and placed them into his breast pocket.
“Are we almost ready to rape the island of Nantucket?” Asked the soldier.
“Yah just give me a few days to love myself and I’ll get back to you. Are you ready for some fun?”
“Sir?” Asked the soldier. His voice shaky.
“Get on the floor. Get on your hands and knees. Let me ride you like a black stallion. Let’s go to Texas and explore the mountains for lizards and gizzards and trophies.”
The soldier did as he was told. Darth Vader mounted him and the two of them made the long precarious voyage south. They met a bunch of losers along the way and forced them to hand over all their passports. It was a fantastic time, and by the end of it the two decided to seal the deal and just get married.