Apr 30, 2022
Just woke up. It’s 10 am. I woke up at 9 am, but I was right in the middle of a dream. I’m pretty sure its not good to wake up during REM sleep. I think it’s better to wake up at the end of a cycle. I went back to sleep and woke up by myself at 9:45. I wanna start waking up at the end of sleep cycles. Maybe one of the sleep apps can help.
I don’t remember too many dreams last night. They’re all a little broken up.
I don’t remember the order of these.
I was watching a windmill. It was enormous. I was watching the blades turn round and round. I was sorta holding my eyes in one spot and seeing how long it took for the blades to pass through that section. It was moving fast and blades were huge. It was close to some houses, and I remember wondering if the blades ever flew off and destroyed things. The sky was a deep red. I guess it was sunset. It had this feeling of the dawning of a new age, it felt exciting. Felt futuristic. Elon Musk was there. He said that in the past, people wouldn’t have expected the blades to be able to move so quickly. I asked him if it’s like a freight train, in that it’s a lot easier to pick up speed once the vehicle is moving, as opposed to when it’s just leaving the station. He said yes. He said an issue with them is that they can disrupt the air flow around the windmills. I asked him if the best windmill would be one in outer space, because it could spin really fast. (I realize now that might be tricky if there’s nothing to spin the blades). He said that there is a difficulty with doing it in space. I think it had to do with storing the energy.
This dream made feel sorta excited. I felt optimistic about the future and very curious.
After that he took me out across the desert. We were following this road that went deep into the desert. The road was super tiny below us. We were walking. I don’t know if we were huge or normal sized, because at one point I got down on my hands and knees and saw that the road with all the buildings and cars was just a model. I remember pretending like I was an airplane high above the road.
I think I felt sorta confused in this dream, because I couldn’t tell if I was normal sized or huge, because I was comparing myself to the road and buildings below, and I couldn’t decide if it was real or just a model.
He and I got to some cliff. When were there we noticed two Lions. One male and female. I think he started running away. Or maybe he threw a rock. I remember thinking that the thing he’d done was the worst thing you could do to escape a lion. Neither of us were scared though. I knew that if the lions got me I could just escape somehow by thinking.
I felt very alert here. I was very conscious of doing the right thing to keep myself safe, but I knew that I’d be safe no matter what because I could in my mind if I needed to.
The lions started going after me. I just started doing this thing in dreams where I kinda really believe that I’m gonna be ok. I see all blackness. It’s kinda like going to sleep. It’s not really lucid dreaming, but sorta like that. This time when I did it I could really feel the vibration of my body. I have this memory that there were two stages. I was feeling my body vibrate, and then it went into a second, more pronounced vibration. After that I was safe. I was in the same spot but there were some other people there. The male lion was just hanging out next to me. He seemed friendly. He reminded me of a dog. The two new people told me to just be still and he’d be ok. They were impressed with how I’d been able to escaper danger. They said that what I’d done reminded them of a technique they knew of. It had a weird name that i’d never heard before. I don’t think it was English. They asked me how I did it and I told them about feeling the vibrations.
I felt calm here and excited that people were impressed with what I’d done. I was still very very alert because the lion was right next to me and I knew that I just had to make sure I stayed still and that he’d be ok. He was sat right next to me, panting heavily with his tongue out just like a dog. He seemed friendly but very powerful in that moment. I was facing the people, leaning against some rock, and the lion was to my right facing behind me, kinda looking off into the distance.
My crush and I are on the couch in the living room. We’re holding each other. She tells me how long she’s wanted me. I tell her the same. It’s very romantic and exciting. Then she asks me some question that is totally unnecessary. It’s sort of a hypothetical question that would apply to our future. I don’t remember what it was. I think I answered with ‘I don’t know’, but she kept pushing and pushing. I realized that she must have Border Line Personality Disorder or something. She was reminding me of Chloe. In that moment I had no issue at all with having her leave. My feelings completely evaporated. I knew that it was not at all worth being with someone who was gonna be like that. I told to leave, and I told her I had no interest in dating someone who was being so weird. She kept wanting to argue with me and was throwing things at me. I can’t remember how I eventually got her to leave.
I was talking to Liam next, who was still living downstairs. I told him that I’m really good at noticing the warning signs of a girl who might have BPD. I think he or someone with him offered their joint. I think I turned it down.
I think I must’ve smoked at some point in the dreams, because I woke un in bed pretty upset that I’d caved and smoked. I thought I was high, but then I realized I probably hadn’t smoked.
It was this dream that made me feel really good. I was proud and impressed with myself for not willing to put myself in a situation that I knew was bad, just for the sake of dating a beautiful girl. There wasn’t even a second of considering. I just immediately was able to make the right decision and there was nothing she could do to sway me.
There was a similar dream later on. I think I can only remember the end of it. I think I kept buying chips and was eating them a lot. I was feeling dirty. I feel like after I’d eaten I’d walk with some people, and one of them was a cute girl. I feel like it kept happening over and over, but the last time my hands were very greasy from the chips. I rubbed my hands on this cute girls sweater, causing the grease to get across her sleeve. She got really really angry. It was a similar feeling to before, where I didn’t even care that I might’ve blown my chances with her. It’s not that I wanted to suffer. I knew that she would be ok. I jus didn’t have any longing for her, and I was able to turn away from the group of people and just walk in some other direction.
I was around a table with Lee Lisa Holly Renee and Liam. I think Liam was a girl? And she was apologizing for something I think, I can’t quite remember.
At one point in the night, or maybe a few points, these weird things would happen and I don’t really remember the specifics asides from that they felt really interesting, and that they felt important. There were these moments where something made a lot of sense. It was like I saw some sort of tether between the dreams and being awake. In those moments I was sort of awake in my bed but still kind of asleep. The only thing I remember seeing was these multiple layers of people saying ‘WOW!’ It was like a person within a person within a person being amazing, and I think I was one of those people. I think one of them was also a bald guy.
I think I forgot to write about this a couple days ago, but the weirdest thing happened. So the other night I had a dream where. Was telling dad that death isn’t real. That’s when the guy showed up and tried stabbing me to death. Iwoke up with the fear and strong sensation in my stomach.
That morning, as I was writing about the experience, I began to have this insane pain in my stomach. I thought that it had something to do with the coffee I was drinking, or something I’d eaten, but it didn’t feel like that kinda pain. It felt like I had been punched, and I had a bruise. It was very very strong and very painful. And I realized that the pain had arisen as I was writing about being killed, and the that the pain I was feeling was super similar to the feeling I’d had when I’d woken up in the night.
I’ve sorta noticed that when I write about my dreams, I kinda get this funny feeling like I’m ‘feeling’ once again how I felt in the dream. If it was an interesting dream, I sorta start to feel that sensation in my body and I get tingling. It’s almost like writing about the dream brings back the physical sensations I’d had in the dream when I was sleeping.
Part of me feels that the feeling is just as important as the visuals or what I hear in the dreams.