April 23, 2022
Yesterday was interesting because I started to believe in God. Now I get it. At least part of it. I’m really happy. But I’m also really sorta tired of having a body. I’m excited to leave it, but I don’t want to necessarily die right away. I’m just not scared of dying. Like at all. Not even a little bit. I’m so fucking excited. This is similar to when I realized that there’s UFO’s in the sky, but this is even more exciting. Actually maybe that was more exciting. That was what really set the ground work for this. I love how each amazing thing is so connected to everything else.
Basically it all started when I was watching the documentary series ‘The Comedy Store’. It’s this documentary about a comedy club. There was a part where one of the guys was describing the night that Sam Kinison died. He talked about how he was holding Sam in his arms on the road, and that Sam was talking to someone that only Sam could see. He said ‘I don’t want to die’, followed by- ‘but why now?’ And then he went ‘ohhhh’ and got really happy and closed his eyes, and then the friend said he felt Sam leave the body and travel up through his own body, through his face, and up into the sky. And then the documentary just continued on, but I was like, wait, he felt WHAT go through his face?
So then I went to Nana’s place and I told her about how interesting I thought that was, and she told me that when Stephen was dying in the hospital she was holding his hand, and that she felt a funny tingle in her palm and then this funny feeling that he was floating just above them.
So then I went on YouTube and discovered all these interviews with people who’d temporarily died, or had near death experiences. And they all describe what it was like, and holy fuck it was amazing! Then this song just totally poured out of me sooo easily. In fact I felt like I made it with the help of ‘God’, because I was doing this thing I sometimes do, where I pretend I’m on a stage and I say to the crowd ‘Let’s write a song together,’ and I tell them to just yell out notes, and I imagine them yelling out random notes and I use those for the song. And I did that, and this really nice song came out that really felt right.
And so yesterday I was thinking non-stop about the story mom told me about how I came into her head before I was conceived and asked if she would be my mom. I explained that I was a universal traveler and that I wanted to have a body for a while. I’d chosen her to be my mom.
I always loved that story because something about it felt right and made sense in a weird way. So I was thinking about that a lot yesterday, and how maybe it’s true, and later in the evening I was at one of the open-mics and I received a bunch of texts from her. She sent me photos of things she’d been painting, and one of them was of the universe. She said that she had painted it thinking about that story! I couldn’t believe she sent it to me the same day I’d been thinking about it!
The other thing that was really weird was how this all seemed to coincide with when I lit these two candles. They’re religious candles that have pictures of Jesus and Mary. I bought them with Myriam years ago as props for a video we were gonna make. We never ended up using them and so they just sat in a box for years. But since I’ve been going through all the stuff under the stairs I found them and left them out because I needed candles anyways. So I had one on the table next to my bed and the other on the table in the living room. And then I lit them either yesterday or the day before for the first time, and that’s when all this stuff happened. It’s so fucking weird.
I feel good. It kinda all makes sense in a weird way, like I feel I’m on a mission while I’m here. I really REALLY wanna make things now. I want to help people I guess. The money is so not important. And there’s nothing to be afraid of. It’s all gonna be ok.