April 28, 2022
Just woke up. I only really remember one dream.
I was at an Apple Event. Steve Jobs was next to me, sitting in a soft chair. He was giving the presentation, but I was the one actually holding the device and showing all the features. I don’t know if it was because he was sick and couldn’t stand or what. It wasn’t explained. His voice sounded fine, and he was doing a good job of walking us through how the device worked.
We were presenting an iPad. I don’t know if it was the first iPad. I had the feeling that this was my first time with the deceive. I didn’t feel like I had rehearsed this presentation with him. For example, when he decided to demo the camera, I had to look for the camera button. I never actually saw or heard the audience. I wasn’t facing them. I was facing the big presentation screen. This screen had a big blown up view of the display so that everyone would be able to see what was happening on the tablet.
I remember two things. I remember at one point being inside an application that wasn’t designed by Apple, or at least I don’t think it was because Steve made a remark about how that interface is not as simple and intuitive as the home screen. He wanted me to hit the home button to go back to the main page of the tablet, but he didn’t say ‘go home’ he just kinda made a dry remark about how overly complicated and unintuitive other developers UI’s are.
The thing I remember really clearly was that as I was giving the demo I noticed that the back of the tablet had this little piece that could be opened. It was like the little door on the back of remote controllers for changing the batteries. I slid that cover off, and I found that in fact there was a SMALLER device inside! It looked sorta like an iPhone but not quite. I understood that this device was what was actually powering the tablet. The tablet was basically just a monitor for the little device. The little device could be taken out and used on its own if one wanted, since it had a screen and all the features of the tablet, just shrunken down.
I can’t remember but I think I was slightly disappointed by this. I sorta thought that it was sneaky, in a way, since I knew that it wasn’t gonna be part of the presentation. Everyone would think that the tablet was its own device, when in fact it was really just a shell connected to the smaller device. I can’t quite remember how I felt about it though. I just though it was interesting, and I remember that there was this one piece inside the cavity of the back that caught my attention. It was like this piece of tin foil almost, and I remember thinking that it had something to do with the flash. It was very small, and placed where the flash on the smaller device was. I felt it had something to do with light. I remember thinking that when you use the tablet to take a photo, the smaller device probably uses its flash, and that the light is caught by this super reflective little piece and gets sent up through to the bigger tablet so that it can use the same light for its flash.
The feeling of this dream was pleasant. There was no stress. It was enjoyable.
I remember some more dreams that I’d forgotten. I was looking for UFO’s. I was in a car with some other people and we were out driving. I don’t know if we’d gone for a drive specifically to find them, or if we were going somewhere else. I started seeing them and the other guys in the car would see them too. They were just these floating things. They looked a bit like white fedoras. When we got close you could see that the surface of them was rotating. They seemed pretty small, and they were a fair distance away. I remember that we were driving next to some fields and they were out over the field. I remember being happy that the other guys in the car had seen them.
Later we were at a Lake. I had strong Salt Spring vibes the whole time. We were at this lake and we saw the UFO again. I can’t remember if there were two. I think there was one. It came close and landed right in front of us in the water, at which point it had become very small. I think we were probably a little uneasy and unsure of what it was gonna do.
I don’t remember the order of events, but I know that at one point it had become this animal. It was an ugly thing. It was like a big black cat and had big eyes and just looked weird. It kinda looked like an electrocuted cat. No one wanted to go near it. Eventually I realized what had happened. I realized that the UFO had taken some sort of DNA sample from Nana’s cat, which was suddenly there. Nana’s cat was now just kinda there on Nana’s couch, sleeping, next to the lake. And so the UFO’s had taken a bit from this cat and kinda made their own weird clone version of the cat. I remember I suddenly had this urge to kill the thing. I was suspicious of it, and was just waiting for the moment when it would suddenly lunge out and try to hurt us. I got it in the water and was using a big long stick to hold its head under the water. I felt uncomfortable killing it, especially because the animal hadn’t actually done anything bad yet.
The thing was pretty weak and it didn’t thrash around or anything like that. I just held the stick to its head until it stopped moving.
I think I was trying to justify killing it, and one thing I told myself was that it didn’t make sense that it should grow so quickly. Nothing natural should grow that fast. I don’t remember seeing it being ‘born’. But I knew that when the UFO deposited the thing, it was much smaller and had grown up very rapidly right in front of us. It just seemed artificial or something like that.
During all of this, and I don’t know if it was before or after, there was a woman and her kid that had shown up to the lake. I think it was after the UFO’s had already been there. I think the UFOs became little objects after they landed in they water. They were sorta like those things you use to play Air Hockey with. Those little things you hold in your hand, except that these were rubbery and you could bend them around. I remember that one of them had become this weird toy that was like a big rubbery octopus. It had a cartoony face on it. It looked like it was just a toy for a child, and I think I was wondering if it belonged to the boy.
There was a message on the toy! There were three lines, but I can’t remember any of them! I just know that the first two lines were very ‘serious’ and that the last line was very light hearted and jokey, and in a way kind of disregarded the previous lines. There was something about this last line that made me think it had something to do with the mother and her child. I read it to them, thinking that they would understand something and maybe grab the toy, but they had never heard it before.
After that I was in the car again with the other people. I think Tyler was there. We were driving alongside the lake and there were all these little buildings around us, but they all looked like they’d been abandoned for a while. In the dream I felt that I was on Salt Spring and that we were driving past lots of stores that I remembered from my childhood, like the movie rental store. Everything was built between the lake and steep cliff walls.
In the dream we got to the section of road where you have to be careful because of falling rocks. Someone in the car made a remark about how steep the rock wall was, and I told them that when I was little a big boulder came down and hit a car. The man inside driving was killed. The man was the father of a classmate of mine in school.
That’s all true. I remember being in grade one, and Ian Hall was sitting on the teacher’s lap crying. His dad had just died. Looking back now, I don’t quite understand why everyone in the class would have known. Why would they have announced it to everyone? I don’t remember any announcement. Maybe I saw him there crying, found out later what had happened, and then was able to put context to why he was crying. I was down on the carpet and Ian was sitting on her lap. He looked scared. I kinda remember his eyes, just looking scared and red and he was crying.
I felt sorta weird in these dreams. There was this constant anxiety. It was this feeling of uneasiness and uncertainty the whole time.
There was this one other thing I sorta remember. I was in the woods. I think I was looking for UFO’s. I was trying to climb over a fence so that I could go deeper into the woods. This woman was suddenly there. She put her hand on my shoulder. She was stern but not mean. She said I couldn’t go in there.
I left the woods and I remember seeing another woman. I don’t know if it was the same one. I went up and talked to her for a bit. She was super friendly. I feel like she was talking about her son. I remember there was a big raised highway above us. It was really sunny, and there were all these golden coloured reeds.
I remember saying goodbye to her and walking away. She was sorta standing guard to the entrance of the woods. Standing guard isn’t the right word. It was more like the person who opens the door for you at a hotel. It was just her job to be at the entrance to the path.
This dream made me feel sorta magical. It reminded me of when I was little and would be in the woods on Salt Spring playing Harry Potter. I so strongly believed that I would find clues or ‘things’ related to Hogwarts.
9:08 pm
Mom called me earlier. She said she’d had a really weird dream about me the night before and wanted to know if I was ok. She asked if I’d done mushrooms or some psychedelic drug. She said she had this really unsettling dream where she felt like I was thinking about death and floating up to the ceiling. She felt that I was too young to die. She wondered if I was suicidal. I told her how insane that is, because I’ve been thinking so much about death!! I told her not in a negative way at all, but in a really positive way. I asked if she’d write it all out. I really wanna have it so I can read it. I felt like it was validating for me. It confirmed that I’m going through an interesting transition. She could feel it!
The longer the day goes on the more the dreams from earlier make sense. I gotta look inside to find the truth! That’s where the secret is! Looking for it externally in ufos or whatever might just lead to more confusion. The ufo might just be a symbol, or an indicator, that you need to go inside.
It’s funny because a couple months ago I realized that if aliens are so smart they’re probably in our minds, not just in the sky and the ocean. I realized that I’m probably just as good looking for ufos within myself. They’re not exactly this external thing, I think. The external thing might just be an indicator to look within.
The middle of the day I started feeling weird. I felt like I was getting sad and that I was losing the connection to ‘God’ or whatever. I don’t want to fall into the trap of trying so hard. I know that it doesn’t work that way. The harder I want something it’s almost like tensing myself up and preventing things from flowing. I tried telling myself that I shouldn’t be trying to get any specific results. As i was making dinner I was feeling better. I was listening to people talk about Charles Swedenborg. They were reading his journals. He was writing about the struggles he was going through in his spirituality. It basically made me feel better to hear someone else struggling.
Then they said something that made me feel a lot better, and kinda reminded me how to turn the light on, so to speak.
I’ve always thought about how I feel like there’s two versions of me. There’s the little creative kid who is wild and doesn’t care what people think and wants to do everything and is naive and vulnerable. Then there’s the adult who is extremely protective of this child. Their job is to prevent anyone from doing anything that would stop the kid from believing in whatever they want. I realize that for this spirituality stuff, similar to with music, it often helps to inhabit that child state. From that point of view anything is possible.
It’s a weird thing to get used to, but for progress to be made you seem to have to ‘believe’ or ‘have faith’ which kinda goes against what so many of us are taught.