Jan 10, 2022
Today was the first day of my marriage. I woke up feeling quite satisfied and content. I rolled over in bed to take a look at my wife, and perhaps admire her. Upon rolling over, I discovered that she was already awake and reading with the help of the morning sun shining through the window.
“What do you read?” I asked, softly.
“I’m reading the nutritional information on these granola bars,” she answered slowly, as her eyes moved from word to word with great intensity. It wasn’t until now that I realized that she was reading the backside of a box of granola bars. MY granola bars that I keep in MY section of the pantry. She must’ve gone in there and rummaged through my snacks.
“How can you eat these?” She said, condescendingly. “They’re terrible!”
“Look at this gut!” I declared, as I ripped off the blanket and revealed my flat stomach. “You think I would do anything to harm this handsome physique?”
“You’re eating rectangles of sugar,” she said, taking no notice of my incredibly chiseled abdomen. “You need to throw these away.”
“I’m doing no such thing,” I grumbled, pulling the covers back up and rolling over onto my side so as not to face my wife.