June 15, 2022
I don’t remember much of my dreams. I didn’t record myself when I woke up. I’m having a hard time deciding if it’s of any value to document my dreams. I’m super curious about them, but I sometimes wonder if it’s just as productive as documenting my days. It seems a bit silly to write down what happened yesterday and then to look for deeper meanings.
I just don’t know what dreams are.
A goal of mine is to get to where I sit down in my dreams and just start meditating. Imagine how much progress I could make if I meditate not only during the day, but all night in my dreams! And so I’m not sure if documenting my dreams will help me to reach that goal. I guess the goal is to lucid dream. I know that before I started smoking again I was often having lucid dreams. I was writing down everything I remembered in the morning, so I wonder if that was helping.
“Have a piece of bread. It’s on the house. Are you gonna eat it? Do I have to feed you? Do I need to stuff it down your throat?”
“Yes”
"Fuck sakes’. Ok here goes nothing.”
And so ten days passed in pure agony. I was forced to ram rocks down my friend’s throat. They helped to break down all the bread in his belly. It was an ugly sight.
That last thing I wrote never actually happened. At least not in this lifetime. Maybe it happened some place else, far away, long ago. I don’t know.
I’m in love with buying things it seems. At least thinking about buying things. I can’t get enough of watching tech reviews and camera review. I already have everything I need! I actually have too much stuff! I gotta get rid of some shit.
I’m gonna sell that old MacBook Pro. The screen doesn’t work properly but the computer is fine. Maybe I can make some money, or even a nice blowjob from the staff. Hopefully she will let me decide. I wonder which I would choose. Say she’s super super beautiful, and she says- “Ok I can give you $400 or a 10 minute blow job. Which would I choose?
I’d take the money. I’m broke right now. I fuckin’ need it.
This house is gonna explode in flames. It will burn. It will smoke and then light the grass on fire. All those ants. Those poor, homeless ants. They’re gonna sizzle so quick. I hope they don’t feel pain. I hope their memories were good. I wonder what intelligent beings their souls will become.
I killed a moth yesterday. I wonder if the soul of that moth will one day be an enlightened being. I mean I guess it already is? Everything is a reflection of ‘God’, so everything is already ‘enlightened’ in a way.
Fuck. I just can’t believe the universe is this beautiful and cool. It’s not dead and cold. It’s weirdly amazing. Like, more amazing than I would have expected. That’s what confuses me! First of all, why is anything here at all, but second, even if it is here, why isn’t it all very plain and boring??
It not only exists, but it exists in the most unbelievable way! EVERYTHING exists! It’s so weird but cool! I’m so happy to be a part of it! I really feel like I was invited to the coolest party ever! I feel so happy that I was included in all this! It’s such an honour.