June 26, 2024
Only a couple more days until I leave. I can’t wait. I did my last shift at Dimitri’s on Sunday. I have to go back to drop off my uniform. I kinda wish I hadn’t agreed to that.
I was going to hand my uniform in on Sunday, but someone from the family said that I could come back during the week.
I didn’t want to do that. I wanted to be done. I’d already said my goodbyes to everyone there. I said sure for some reason.
I sometimes say yes to things that I don’t want to do. I often have a hard time being honest and just saying no. I want to work on that.
Yesterday was my last day of going to the church with Mark and Jayne. I’m really happy about that, too. I really don’t like the church. I really can’t stand it.
I appreciate the friendliness and the warmth. They’re extremely hospitable and the food is nice. But I can’t stand the dogma. And I can’t stand the moral superiority they seem to feel about themselves. There’s this constant judgement about non-christians and other spiritual beliefs.
They were often asking me if I would continue to go to church in Canada, or if was thinking about being a christian. I told them that I’m interested in Jesus, God and spirituality but that I don’t see myself joining a religion.
I think they saw me as being a ‘searcher’. They kept describing me as that. And they would often warn me about other religions. They didn’t seem to get that I’m not looking for anything to join. I’m not searching for anything.
I know that a connection to God is found by going within oneself. It’s a daily practise. Churches are fine for some people, but they are not essential to knowing God.
It’s such a strange concept to me. You don’t need to be part of an organization to receive benefits from a fundamental aspect of reality.
It would be like thinking that you’ll only receive benefits from water by idolizing, apologizing, and singing songs to a glass of water. I’m not saying that doing that won’t improve its effects. It might. But it’s not essential.
Yesterday the video said that Tarot Cards and Astrology are works of the devil. I got so annoyed.