Apr 3, 2023
I’m at the Brisbane Airport. My flight leaves in 3 and a half hours. I feel sorta stressed and hungry. I have a bit of a headache.
There’s so much potential. Everywhere. And yet I feel completely confused. I don’t know what direction to take. I’ll pick a path. I’ll walk down it for a little while. Then all the excitement and joy will fade. Then I do the next thing. I guess that’s fine. I just wish I could figure out how to make that sorta life work. This is the same kinda stuff I was talking about in the past.
I’m really happy to be leaving Caloundra. It felt weird living with Pablo and Yoga. Even today was weird. I woke up and Yoga was in the kitchen. I was on the patio. I was making weird noises, trying to get her attention. She completely ignored me. It was weird, like she was trying super hard to ignore me. I went for a run and came back. I walked in and she wouldn’t look at me. I said hi and asked how she was, and she was like ‘good’. I figured I must’ve made another mistake somehow. The weirdest part was this. I grabbed my clean laundry from outside and headed back to my room. On the way I passed the driveway and saw that she was in the car pulling out of the driveway! She knew I was leaving and she didn’t seem to care at all! She hadn’t said bye or anything! She was just gonna leave without saying anything.
So I waved and said bye. She was like ‘oh yah bye. I’ll be back later, I might see you’. I thought that was so weird.
Pablo was way different. He gave me like three hugs. He told me he loved me, he kept wishing me good luck and all that. He even gave me $50!
So yah I left at around noon. I didn’t get a proper good-bye with Yoga. It just feels so petty. Maybe she’s going through something really hard. I don’t know. I’m sure I did something. That’s how it’s been. I found out through my mom that they were complaining about certain things I was doing. But they wouldn’t tell me. They’d just keep their mouths shut and then act weird around me. I’m just so happy to be getting out of that house. Weird things like that were just constantly happening. It was fucking with my head.
I was gonna leave early and take the train to Brisbane. Pablo told me about a shuttle service that would take me from Caloundra to the airport. I figured I’d do that. So I took my time getting ready. When it was time to leave I went to book my seat. I found out that it’s the kinda thing you’re supposed to book ahead of time, like a couple days. So I figured I’d take an uber to the train station. But that’s when I found out my credit card was fucked. I can’t make online payments with it. Every time I try it wants to send a verification code to my old cell-phone number. I’ve gone into the TD website and changed the phone number for verification codes. But it didn’t do shit. Every website, including the Government of Canada, keeps sending it to my old phone. It’s fucking stupid. It really is. There’s certain things about this society that are absolute pathetic. These organizations seem to get dumber and more sluggish the bigger they get.
It’s also my fault. I knew that I should’ve called TD. I tried a couple days ago. It always says I’ve entered the wrong number. I’ve tried using the number it says to use when calling from Australia. It doesn’t make a fucking difference. It’s fucking stupid. I think from now on I’m gonna have a PayPal account? That might be easier for traveling.
It’s also my fault. I knew that I should’ve called TD. I tried a couple days ago. It always says I’ve entered the wrong number. I’ve tried using the number it says to use when calling from Australia. It doesn’t make a fucking difference. It’s fucking stupid. I think from now on I’m gonna have a PayPal account? That might be easier for traveling.
It just feels like nothings really been going anywhere for so long. Like years. I just wish I had some stability. I wish I had some sorta life that I really felt good about. It just feels like everything’s always a mess and nothing fits.