The Centre Of My Heart

 Nov 14, 2022

    I can’t remember the morning of the 14th. I think I just woke up and went downstairs to eat. The food tasted like good vitamins. I knew it was healthy for my dad and I. 

    We talked about what we should do with our day. My dad wanted to play his guitar in the intersection for all to hear. I told him not yet, that it was too early in our development. I suggested we go look at the monkeys, since they were something he might relate to. 

    We wandered through some back alleys and found ourselves in the sacred monkey forest. There were chimps everywhere. My dad started crying and telling everyone that he was home. I tried to calm him down but he was determined. He escaped from my arms and climbed a vine, tears streaming from his eyes. 

    I was surprised to overhear some of the chimps speaking English. I guess they’ve learned a few words in order to attract treats from tourists, like how bears wave at people. I heard one monkey asking for directions. I heard another one calling for help. He’d gotten trapped between the jaws of my father. The monkey was begging for assistance. I stood back and observed. It wasn’t my job to interfere. 
After that we stumbled across a beautiful ceremony. We sat and watched. I could feel the blessings begin activating dormant strands of my DNA. 

    We continued on through back alleys. We came across two holy pooches. They said their names were George and Mike Myers. We played with them for a few hours and exchanged contacts. 
We made our way to an important temple. It was very beautiful. The air was vibrating at a high frequency. I felt the little hairs on my cheeks stand on end. My dad was so in awe that he could barely open his eyes. He began chanting loud and clear to prove his devotion. Afterwards we went to a nearby Starbucks to cool ourselves off with some beautiful drinks. 

    That night we went for dinner and got seated next to a lovely Australian couple. We talked about Kanye West and Justin Trudeau and the education system of our homes. 

    After that we went home and slept.

A Clash of Concepts

 Nov 13, 2022

I woke up to a strange sound. It sounded like a lady doing breathing exercises in the next room. It weirded me out. I found out later it was jut a rooster. I floated out of bed and saw the sun rising over Ubud. I saw the moon up in the sky. 

    I went downstairs for breakfast. I found my dad staring at the wall and laughing uncontrollably. 

    We were served delicious eggs and coffee. I even met a handsome corgi. I thought I was hallucinating. It seemed too good to be true. His smile was overwhelming. I stroked his head and thanked him for materializing.

    After breakfast we headed to the garage. We boarded our scooters. We planned on visiting the nearby volcano. As we were pulling out I gave the scooter too much gas. I lost control and accidentally drove it straight into a parked scooter. I was trying to apply the brakes but I couldn’t get it under control. I basically rode over the top of the parked scooter, knocking it over, and then went flying towards some pots. They got smashed. I finally came to a stop. I looked around and saw bits of plastic and metal everywhere. I’d done quite a bit of damage to the other scooter. The owner came running out. I thought she was gonna start screaming and crying or something. She just looked around and said it was ok. I felt so bad. I wanted to crawl into a ball and go to sleep. She said she’d take it to the mechanic and let me know how much I owed her. 

    
So after that we drove up the volcano. We drove for about an hour and a half. We had to go way, way up. We eventually arrived to the top. It was quite beautiful. We were in the clouds and there was a whole town in there, as well as a big lake. We went to a cafe and had some lunch. Then we went to some hot springs. It was nice and warm. I got a wonderful massage from some lady who said she’d lived in the volcano all her life. She even cut my nails.

    After that we went to look at the dried lava fields. They were big and black and looked scary. My dad was so moved that he began singing a lovely song to prove his devotion. 

    After that we rode home. It felt like a long ride. I started getting really stressed out. I’d only ridden a scooter for two days and had already been in a crash. All around me were people who were basically born on scooters. And there’s dogs running across the road. And there’s no rules. And there’s people throwing rocks at me from the sidewalk, telling me to go back to Toronto. 

    We eventually made it back to a little restaurant. There was as a tiny black cat who comforted me.

Exploring The Soul

 Nov 12, 2022

    I woke up as usual from a glorious slumber. I rolled out of bed and fell on the floor. Then I met up with my papa and went for breakfast. Along the way I saw ducks eating lentils off the sidewalk. I got so excited. 

    We ate some eggs and had coffee and watched the geckos climb the walls. It was our last day in that particular house. 
After breakfast we packed our suitcases. I made sure to steal a few things from the house so that I would have beautiful memories to look back on.
We ordered a taxi. While we waited my dad ordered me to go get us some chips. I walked the narrow streets and was nearly run over several times. I arrived at a store and bought some chips. The cashier told me I reminded her of Brad Pitt. I thanked her and we hugged. Then I walked back.

    So the taxi came and we were driven to our next house. It took an hour. We passed the time by sharing memories from our childhoods. My dad shared traumatic stories of growing up with parents who yelled a lot. I opened up and told him about some of my insecurities from when I was in middle school. We arrived at our destination as new people.

    I was pleased to find that my bedroom was way up on the third floor. I could see for miles. I could see the curvature of the planet from up there. I even saw beings from the Arcturian star system observing our beautiful planet from their craft. They said ‘hey’ by communicating telepathically through my heart space. 

    It suddenly began to rain. My dad and I went to a cafe and had coffee. Once again we chatted about our feelings. It was therapeutic and nourishing. Then we went to a restaurant and sat on the floor. We were served beautiful food. We chatted some more about our emotions. 

    After that we finished the night by going to a bar. We listened to live music. I had a hard time there because of the bright flashing lights. It felt like daggers stabbing my retinas. I stood up on the table and begged the owners to turn it off. No one listened. We payed our bills and went home. 

Beautiful Bali

 Nov 10,  2022

    I woke up and lay in bed for a while. I was thinking about how I’m upside down relative to everyone in Toronto.  

    I got dressed and went for breakfast with my papa. We laughed and talked about Jay Leno and stuff like that. We ate some eggs and drank coffee. It made us kinda high. 

    We made our way into town on some scooters. It was my first time driving them and I actually ran over two dogs. It’s my dads fault for not training me properly. 

    After we burned the dogs we went to a restaurant and got some more food. It was yummy. Then we went to a temple. We went there because my dad and I both needed to beg for forgiveness. We were both really bad this past year. We did some bad things and hurt some good people, especially my dad. 

    So yah, luckily we were forgiven. We went to a second temple on the edge of a cliff and looked out over the Pacific Ocean. It was so big and vast. It blew my mind and made me weep. There was so much water.
I saw a monkey snatch a ladies glasses and run up a tree. Some other lady ran over to help. She screamed and threw snacks at the monkey. She was trying to make a trade. It worked, and the monkey returned the glasses.

Starting Over

 Nov 9, 2022

    So I was at home when suddenly I got bored. I called out for some help. That's when the light shone through and turned me on. So I went to my computer and bought some plane tickets. I just clicked that button and did it. 

    And so over the next weeks I sold all my stuff and quit my job and quit everything and just threw in the towel and completely gave up. I cried down at Lake Ontario and asked for some guidance. I was shown a spiral staircase with ruby diamonds. It reminded me of something. 

    So then I walked out the door with a suitcase full off clothes and some random stuff to survive. I was pretty confused. I figured I’d made a mistake. 

    The taxi came and picked me up and took me to the airport. I boarded a plane and flew that bird high into the sky. I made a bee-line straight for Australia. I had this dream a year ago where my dad said I’d do that. I wasn’t surprised that it was happening for real now. 

    I landed in Sydney and ate McDonald’s. I felt so gross and so I had to crawl into a corner and weep as my stomach died. Then I flew another plane to Indonesia. It felt like the right thing to do. I landed and was pleased to find my suitcase was gone. It was back in Sydney. Whatever, I don’t need those clothes anyways. I got another ride to some house and randomly found my dad there waiting for me. We embraced and shared stories. We talked about how we were so confused these days. We went to sleep. 

    I woke up and remembered I was in Indonesia. I went outside and found all these green shrubs. I was so excited.

Movie Making

 Sep 25, 2022

    Dreams 

    I’m on the set of a James Cameron movie. It’s very intense. I’m very stressed out that I’m gonna mess something up and get kicked off the set. I remember that there was this folding table that I accidentally collapsed a couple of times. I remember that the little boy from The Shining was there. 

Girl Fighting

 Sep 24, 2022

    Dreams 

    I’m working at the Fox. The theatre is full of people. I suddenly smell smoke. I see that there’s these things on the ground near the back of the theatre. These things have small flames under them. I’m not sure what they were. I think some were ornamental, and some were using a flame to keep food on top warm. I ran over and threw water on the flames. Some guys who were watching me said that a previous lady had put out some other fires. She had missed a few.

    I was talking to a guy about computer programming. He said he thought I’d enjoy doing coding. 

    I was on the couch in the living room. I was reading a book. The windows were very big. They took up the whole wall. I was watching some sort of lumber yard outside. There were all these trees that were being loaded into trucks. The couch I was on began to move. I realized the couch was actually a truck as well. It started driving closer to all the trees. I realized they were going to load this truck up with trees. I stood and got off the couch but I forgot to grab my book. 

    I was visiting Salt Spring with Liam. I had signed up to play football. I regretted signing up though. I got to Dad’s friends house, who he calls ‘Space Ship Michael’. He lets Liam and I in. We go to his backyard where the football game is being held, although the football match has turned into a WWE match. I’m supposed to wrestle a girl, but Michael says the girl cancelled. I’m so relieved because I didn’t want to get beat up. We go back inside. It was suddenly dark. Liam and I were thinking we were going to have to hitch hike back. David from Beyond the Beat suddenly showed up in a bus. We drive back. We pass many shops. I remember passing a paint ball place. I can’t remember where we were heading. 
I was with nana and another very old lady. Nana wanted to make the old lady blind for some reason. We stabbed something small into her eyes. Then the three of us were on a dock and we were walking back to shore. The dock was very narrow. We had to hold the blind woman’s hand as we walked. The old lady dropped some change into the water. She jumped in after it. She was diving down like a duck. She would come up for air and then dive down again looking for her change. She eventually found it and hopped out.

    I was in a class. Jordan Peterson was the teacher and Gina from Salt Spring was the student next to me. We were building little papier-mâché things. It was like an arts and crafts shop.   

The Second Church

 Sep 23, 2022

    Dreams 

    I’m at the Fox. Jade, my neighbour, is ordering from me. I think that in the dream Jade used to work there. I remember at one point Jade’s mom poked her head through the door to the theatre. I think the family might have owned the Fox in the dream?

    Before that there was another girl who was ordering. She was with a guy and she also used to work there. 

    I was outside with a group of people. We were walking down a lane that was covered in grass. There were old buildings on either side of the lane. It was evening. We came up to a church. The person leading us said there used to be a second church next to this one. I was able to see in my mind how it once looked. The man said they had torn one of the buildings down. We went up the steps and into the church. It was tiny inside, there was only one room. We all sat in a circle. I think Gary Nolan was our guide. He was holding a big stack of books, which we passed around. They were all copies of ‘Autobiography of a Yogi’. I didn’t take one because I already had my own copy with me. 

The Simulation Thickens

 Sep 20, 2022

    His late ankle is split for now. Can you take his eyes off yours? I wanna see what colour that makes. I’m just wondering, but don’t worry about it. it’s ok. It's just random stuff. It's     all easy now. You’re a fire of flames! That is like a shower with hot coals on your back and up your ass. Have you seen your ego lately? I thought his cap was on too tight. Who did it? Me or you? I don’t remember. I guess it was a mutual thing. 

    Yah.

    I love you

    Love you too..

    I’m building this creation with my mind now! It’s gonna create power. And an energy! 

    This is easy like the wind. It’s all about coming to terms with your ass. Take it off your mind. Get it on to the land quickly. It needs healing. It wants to ask for turnips. 

    Have you seen the family? They’re on our lake now. 

    What? 

    Yah. They towed their whole house here. I’m getting so cared.

    Yah me too. I guess we should hide.
    For how long? Can’t we ever go home again?
    Maybe. C’mon though, we need to go now!! 

    So we all ran with that bastard. He took us through the woods. We wound up in Italy. That was a memory line no other. Now I’m old and poor and without real beauty. My face is on the opposite side of the room now.

    The woman began sobbing like a simulation. It was so fast and sped up!! The sounds too!! It made everything feel quite complicated. I zoomed back out so fast. Now I’m alive and well.

Twin Tin Towers

 September 18, 2022

    The leaves of fall are among us. They’re shining bright with signs of change. It’s in the air. Almost everyone can feel this. Most of us are psychic, I guess. Those who aren’t are as well, they’ve just long forgotten. But that’s not the point. What I’m trying to say is that I love you. I want you to remember that. I only want you to know light. In order for this to become manifest  you must know darkness. Don’t worry, because we’re always just over your shoulder when you need us. But honestly, you’re pretty self sufficient at this point. You’re more independent than you give yourself credit for. You’re not as naive as you think.
It’s just that you’re always thinking about the sun. It’s not a conscious thing. It’s happening below the surface. You can’t stop thinking about it. It overwhelms you with awe. It does for most of us. It’s so powerful, relative to you and your planet. It’s mighty. But you know this is only an illusion. You know that the same fire is within you. It’s within all of you. It’s burning bright and hot. You feel it, but you’re so used to it that you don’t notice it. It’s the kinda thing you’d only notice if it were removed. That would be a real shocker if that happened. 

    Those sea lions are communists. They were actually put there by Stalin in the last century. No one bothered to keep tending to the beasts after the collapse of the Soviet Union. Now they just live out on the rocks and eat squid. They’re not natural animals. They didn’t evolve like that. They were made in a lab, deep below Moscow. They made all sorts of beasts down there. They actually invented kangaroos. Kangaroos are not natural. They were built by communists and then deposited into Australia. The soviets also invented penguins and wombats. You know that I speak the truth. Don’t fight the feeling. Just get over yourself. You’re a mightily small brained compared to the cosmos.

That man above is a fear mongerer. He’s trynna scare you into submission. You are not big or small. You’re both and neither. No such thing as size, really. It’s all relative, isn’t it. You are like clay that is constantly being molded. You’re just happy to be here. That’s a state that you wanna strive towards. Just happy to be here. Wherever here is.

    Inside of her is warm. But it’s also cold. Because it reminds me of my individuality. She is alone and she longs for hands on her body. She calls me into her room. She’s under the covers, but I’m kinda tired of this game. Besides, the sheets smell stale and there’s dust on all the ledges. I wish she would transform this place. I wish we would move. This house is sinking into anxiety. It’s rattling back and forth at a speed that is so rapid, that we almost don’t notice it. But we do. I do, at least. I think she see this as normal. I keep telling her it’s not. I tell her that we could live better than this. I need her to trust me, but I also need her to trust herself. I can’t do all the work here. I need some help and I don’t know who to ask. She’s always blaming herself. I’m scared she’s gonna do something bad.

    Have you seen the twin towers? Have you felt the tin? They’re made of tin. The twin tin towers. 

The Race Track

 Sep 17, 2022

    His yellow tooth was missing. It was brought to my attention that I’d stolen it. They say I took his tooth while he was asleep. I said that this was a lie. I have no memory of stealing his tooth. They said I was also sleeping- I had slept walk into his room and removed his yellow tooth. How could I defend myself? What was one to do? I just thought about going to the market and being alone for a while. I put on my shoes and got my horse. I rode that beast fast. We found ourselves in a forest. We were surrounded by lights from above. I got very excited. I asked them for directions. They said to go within. 

    The next day my whole body was tingling. I knew that they were with me, all the time, giving me little energy bursts that feel nice and relaxing. It made my scalp tingle and my arms feel warm. I told them that they were welcome anytime and that I would do my part in telling the world. I would share with the world what I knew. I knew this was something that would happen whether I was aware of it or not. They’d always been there, I’d come to realize.

    It’s only on weekends when the race track is open to the public. During the week it’s where senators go to have sex. They fuck on the asphalt. They make a real mess of the place. The public has no idea. I only know because I often leave my body to go investigate mysteries. I had been told by some friends that there was something funny going on at the race track. People were reporting screams and howls of horror. I got up from my body and floated over. I hid behind a bumble bee. I was expecting to see the army torturing aliens or reverse engineering a UFO. Instead I saw an orgy on a grand scale. It was devastating. My whole concept of reality was shattered. 

    

    Dreams 

    I’m at an open mic. It’s on Queen street where 6ix pizza is in real life. I perform some songs. After I’m done I start to leave. I think Aksel gets up to perform. As I’m walking away I get the feeling that he’s playing one of my songs. It reminds me a lot of ‘On My Own’. 

    I walk up to Glen Ames. I realize I’m dreaming. I see a teacher walking in front of the building. I find her attractive. I go over and talk to her. I ask if I can go inside the school. I tell her I used to be a student there a couple years ago and that I scratched something into the paint of my locker. I need to go inside and remind myself what I wrote. She says sure, but to hurry. I ask if I can give her a hug. She doesn’t want to. I ask if I can kiss her. She’s pushing me away. I give up and go over to the entrance of the school. I enter. 
I don’t really remember much about the inside except when I’m leaving. I remember that some guy was chasing me. I don’t think I was that scared, it might have been because I knew I was dreaming. I remember at one point he was getting close, and I did this interesting thing where I shifted my perspective from my body to the whole room. I was outside the room, being the room, and I started willing it to fill up with water so that the man would be swept away. 

    Afterwards I remember being back at the bottom of the street. 6ix Slices was there now. I was eating with some people. I noticed again that I was dreaming. I looked around and saw there was a cute girl sitting in a different group. I went over to her and asked if I could touch her legs. She said yes. I told her I’d like to feel her vagina. She said sure. I tried to do this but I remember she started talking to me. Her and her friends wanted to chat and so I had to wait until they were finished. I don’t think they finished. 
I know that at some point I actually started meditating when I realized I was dreaming. That’s what my plan is for when I lucid dream. I want to start meditating. I know that at some point I did, because I have a vague memory of sitting down on some big concrete structure and observing my breath. 

    I’m at a restaurant with the family. It’s Holly’s birthday but she’s like two years old. They brought her a cake and she blew out a candle. I remember there was a fire place, and a different baby was staring into the flames. Someone gave Holly a science magazine for her birthday. She was flipping through it. Gary Nolan and his wife were there. His wife said that all the science in that magazine was known thanks to her husband. She tells Holly that one day maybe she will see all the places in the magazine. Gary Nolan tells me about a recent trip to Antarctica. I ask if he went with any theories he was trying to gather evidence for. He said yes. He wanted to find out if there was evidence of a lot of ice that had rapidly melted. We started talking about Atlantis and aliens. I asked him how a species can still have fun and feel fulfilled once they get to a point where they know all there is to know. He starts talking to his wife and they’re speaking quietly. I start to meditate as I wait for his reply. Then I woke up. 

    I was lying in bed but it was a dream. I knew that there was something walking down the steps outside of the door. I knew it wasn’t nice. Suddenly I was aware that some sort of guardian angel had zapped it with some energy. I heard the thing fall down the stairs. I knew it was dead. 

    I’m on a small passenger plane. There’s a young guy talking to me. He’s telling me that he wants to apologize to the pilot about something. I tell him to just go up and knock on the door. He goes and does so. I was then in the cockpit. I’m watching us descend. There’s a town below us. We’re landing in a big road. I’m not sure why. The plane does a U-turn when it lands. It becomes a horse and I’m riding it. I see mom I think. I think I tell her to get on with me. 

    I’m in Montreal. There’s this long dried up river bed, and there’s the city on either side. There’s concrete walls on either side of the river bed and they’re covered with all sorts of interesting art. Someone is telling me that the city wanted to get rid of the art and make the walls white. The people didn’t like this idea. I start walking back with Matthew. He tells me that his dog Mento is sick and might die soon. He wants to get home quick. We start running, but we end up running into his whole family who are going for a walk. His parents ask me when I’m performing with my band again. I tell them I’m no longer in that band, but that I play open-mics. 

The Goat's Love

 Sep 16, 2022

    The walls of sound were getting heavier. They were distorting time. I felt sick. I jumped into the river and sank beneath the surface. I met a wise fish who told me to start singing. I did so. I actually sang Hey Jude. This made the fish mad. He accused me of being a preacher. I told him he was wrong. I swam away. I came to a dome. It was glowing from within. I tapped on the dome. Someone answered me in Japanese. I thought this was funny, because I was still in Toronto. I was surprised to find a secret Japanese base under the water. 

    The girl was sucking my neck. It felt good. It made me feel young again. I almost woke up, but instead I let myself drift higher and higher until I was above the clouds. Now the sun was setting and casting a glow upon the world. Everyone below had exploded into flames. They went screaming into eternity. I thought that was funny. I took a photo and posted it to my blog. 

    His book is allowed to know certain things, but not everything. That would be wrong. That would cause a tearing of all that is holy and sacred to my people. The time is not right for such things to be known. Maybe on Tuesday you can know. That is when I might pull back the curtains from your eyes. Are you ready for that? Some may think they want to see all there is. Some have been shown. Not all have reacted well. Many of them lost their minds and went to work on Wall Street. This has happened. Is this a risk you’re prepared to take? Be honest with me. 
You remind me of an ugly dog I once caught. I caught him in a trap down by the river. I had to trap him, for he kept raping my goats. That was too far. That was too close to hell. So I set up a trap. I placed a naughty magazine atop a deep hollowed out pit. When that ugly pooch wandered towards the magazines, he fell and was trapped. I came over and shot him in the paw for being so cruel. Then I burned him and sold his bits for money. I told morons that they were holy pieces worthy of worship. They bought it all up and prayed to their bits. Turns out the power of the mind is stronger than I thought. Their worship imbued the bits with love and wisdom. This created a sort of bubble around our town. It was good. It kept positive vibrations inside. 

Dreams 

    I’m in a house. There’s a party going on. I’m talking to my crush. She has a cigarette. She says that she’s actually about to go on a date with a guy. My whole insides felt like they died when she said that. After she said that I felt like I had no interest in even being around her. I just lost complete interest and kinda wanted to get away. I asked her what they were doing for the date. She said they were going to see a movie. 

    I’m at Lee and Lisa’s house. There’s a bunch of guests there and we’re all sat in a ring in the living room. I’m telling them all about the UFO’s. I tell them that aliens aren’t trying to hurt us.

    Brian comes over. He gets in bed with me, but at the other end. We’re both under the blankets chatting. He’s talking about wanting to try acid. He also is stressed because he’s been getting weird sensations on his body. I tell him it’s probably spirits performing reiki on him. Later on we’re outside and we buy some pizza. I remember seeing a girl at a food stand cooking food in a frying pan. She’s tossing the food up in the pan. 

    I’m at a cliff. There’s stairs that go part way down so that you can look at the view. I’m there with my crush and her brother and I think Liam. My crush and her brother are very little. They’re like 5 and 6. I think I’m actually carrying one of them so that they can see over the fence. We’re all watching the waves below. They’re crashing up against the rocks. 

    Later on I’m at Lee and Lisa’s. Now the kids are very very young, like babies. I’m holding the boy. He’s fallen asleep in my arms. Someone brings over a little crib and I gently lay him down. Someone brings over the girl, and lay her down as well. 

I'm The Lite Light

 September 14, 2022

    All the hens of the world. UNITE! Get together and just make love. I don’t get some of these people. It’s like they talk and talk about love. But then they’re so quick to judge or accuse certain people of being reptilians. I don’t understand. It just feels like so much judgement. It feels like everyone is always accusing everyone else of oppressing them. It’s so exhausting. 

    Am I doing it now? I guess so.
So on the other side of the boat was my Angel. She was there floating next to the boat.

    “What year is it?” I asked her.

    “It’s 1478. And you’re the captain of this boat. Remember when you smashed the bottle of wine against the hull?” 
    “I remember,” I laughed, staring into the ocean. “I was only 17 when we left the city! Now I’m 400! Time flies when you’re horny!”

    Last night I was inside of the universe. I can’t remember how I got there, but I guess I'm stuck here now, for all of eternity. 

    Even the rays of light are bored. They’re getting so lazy and so that is what inspired me to start a medical school. I wanted answers. I wanted to find the tick-tick noise that I could hear coming from my chest. I wanted to know what was happening inside. Was there a master in me? Was I really a Devine being of pure love and light? I can’t be sure, but I’m gonna know before I die, that’s for sure. I’m like on a race to find out, and everyone else is just a yellow nascar. I’m a jet that uses vegetable oil to power my engine. I’m very advanced. I can fly backwards. It’s the most exciting thing. It can happen at any moment. I’ll just be sitting there with my angel on my head, when suddenly the sun will come into the room and ask me for a nickel. I’ll tell that orb of love to get a job. I will laugh like the little beings on Neptune. Those freaks laugh at rocks. They’re so weird. Whatever. I want to join them after this incarnation. 

Layers of Lactose

 Sep 11, 2022

    His shoulder is attached to his hip at all times. It’s their right now. You can see for yourself. It’s poking around down there. There’s actually very little that is unknown at the point. We are really really on top of all the wisdom that there is.

    “And this is ok?” Asked the woman from the shore. She was living there and she was completely naked for most of her life but then she was zapped into a form and lived on the planet with some other beings. It was just normal, you know what I mean?

And this was going on for twenty years. The Kia later found out. They ran away after. Before them was terror. It was evil. Horrible lines of black and white. It took all the life away. But not really- I mean it did from one perspective, but from another everything was just fine as usual. 

    This area is stilling explored by the youth. They’re everywhere these days. I was young, once. It was in the last century. That was a golden time for me. I was like a whale. I was. I was talked about. That was then and this is know. Now i’m dead weight! I’m lame and yellow. It took seven days just to loosen up! Now I’m alive again! Now I’m attracting seven members of the KKK! They’re allowing this.

    I took off and ran way fast. That was then and this is now. Now I’m seventy eight and we’re allowed to talk to angels. It’s a really cool experience because we can know so much. It’s like a whole new way of being. It’s attractive to you isn’t it? It’s getting your nuts in a bind? 

I Wanna Smoke

 Sep 9, 2022

    All the way down are cherubs. They’re little black beings with tiny faces who sit on walls and attack kid who look their way. I know that it sounds weird but hear me out. Remember when you were in the woods and the sun was setting? Remember there was that feeling of needing to get back to the shuttle? That’s where the gold was. 

    That day was the first time you ever saw those black beings! They came out of the woods, zapped you with their cocks, and then flew you down to Singapore for some noodles! THAT is the truth, you racist dictator.

    The angry lady was hurting. In fact, she was hurting so bad that it caused so much pain in her feet. It started to multiply and then something very strange happened. It was basically a lifting of the tectonic plates. All the cities were catapulted into the sky. Many beings died. They met their moms on the other side. They also learned that this whole time they’d been fucking their relatives. They had no idea… 

    But more on that later. For now I’d like to bring your attention back to a more serious issue. It involves cocks. I need you to admire the man penis. Pleases appreciate for a moment just how EFFICIENT this technology is. It sends little babies to the point of no return.. they never knew what hit them. This is very serious stuff, buddy. You feel my sorrow?

    I feel like I’m expecting some pain. I’m supposed to be suffering. I’m supposed to hurt. I’m wanting some excitement. What the fuck. Why do I need this rush. Goddddddd. What the fuck. I just want it but then I feel like shit later on. But fuckkkkkkkk I’m spending so much time craving!!!! It’s the strangest thing. It really boggles the mind and forces one to ask the question- am I a sherpa? 

    That’s so cool. That colour up their in the sky is the same colour as my soul. It’s violet!!! And it’s got tentacles. Please take me to heaven so I can understand better. Please let me feel your tits so that I may know the riddles of the universe. Neil and Bob and Larry are waiting for me in eternity. I want to see their faces when they realized how wrong they were. But they’re me. Why do I want suffering for myself? Why do I wanna go out and smoke? I fucking really really want to. I wanna go smoke a joint by the water, listen to some music, come back and eat junk food and watch videos about cool things like aliens and ancient civilizations. And then I’d play some music and do some more random writing. I fucking want to do this. And I gotta suffer and keep saying no non no no no no for some reason. It just hurts. I just wish I didn’t crave weed in the first place. I’m so excited to leave this house. There’s an energy here that makes me do things impulsively. I noticed it when I got back from the retreat and dog sitting. As soon as I stepped into the house I could just feel this funny feeling. It’s hella strong. 

Papa Phil

 August 12, 2022

    Last night was the final super moon of the year. I went for a walk after work to check it out. I got a slice of pizza and sat by the lake. It was very bright and peaceful. I even saw a few shooting stars. 

Last night I had one interesting dream in particular. I may have had more but I can’t remember. 
In the dream I was walking down Beech Avenue. I remember that there were other cars, but suddenly there weren’t. I looked up towards Queen Street and saw that all the people and the traffic had disappeared. There was a silence, and things felt still and darker somehow. I knew immediately that this might have something to do with UFO’s, because it’s how many people described their experiences to Dolores Cannon. As soon as I suspected aliens my whole body seemed to be taken over. It was like all this energy was suddenly in me. I can’t remember how it felt, expect that it was very very weird. I don’t think I was in pain. It was just a very weird feeling. I remember flailing my head and my arms around sorta like a rag doll. I think I was probably trying to stay calm and not resist, but I don’t remember anything after that.

    Later on in the night I had another dream where it happened again. This time I think I was able to be more accepting of it. I felt like they happened back to back so that I might become used to it. A lot of these interesting dreams often have the feeling of a ‘simulation’. They feel like a training course, like I’m learning how to integrate an experience. The dreams I feel the best from are the ones were I never react with fear during an interesting experience. The ones where I try my best to accept and just feel are the dreams that I wake up feeling the most excited from.

I remember another dream where I was in the Fox. There was a man and his wife and they were upset about something. They were arguing with me. I remember making lots of jokes. I wanted to end the arguing and bring us together. By the end of the conversation we’d become friends. We may have even hugged. That dream made me feel really good, because it’s an ability I would really like to have in day to day life.

I always want to end arguments in a positive way. Sometimes people are angry at the Fox. I don’t like it when that happens. I try so hard not to absorb their anger. Sometimes it feels like I can’t. Like they’ve decided to stay angry no matter what. I don’t know what to do in those moments. I guess I have to just accept them like that. Although part of me says no, it’s not acceptable to let people speak to you like that. Part of me really wants to learn how to debate effectively so that I don’t have to feel like I’m being stepped on. Even sometimes when I see people being rude to someone else in public. I would like to help in those situations but I don’t want to make the situation worse. Some people like Dr. Phil seem so good at taking control of a situation and steering it to a place where people can become closer. I would like to learn those tricks. 

The Dog Bite

 August 11, 2022

    Have you ever seen a shooting star ripple across the sky? I have. It’s blue. It can also be anything you want. It’s allowed to grow over time, even if you don’t like that. You gotta learn to raise yourself up above the mud if you ever wanna get off this planet. You can come back again when it’s all pretty and the issues have been resolved. But for now you need to learn to go inside yourself and raise your vibration. It’s the kinda thing that can definitely be learned. It’s also the kinda thing that will eventually be easy for you. It’s like getting up off the couch. That’s very easy for you to do. There was a time, when you were very small, when this was a very hard task. It took years to learn to stand freely and reposition yourself. It’s the same kinda thing as raising your vibration and literally learning to float. That will be so easy for you soon. You used to do it all the time. You still do it now sometimes, without even realizing. 

    For now you’re here, on this earth, learning lessons and helping those that need help. It’s an experience. You’re getting so much out of this visit. It’s all happening very quickly. 

    Last night I had this really interesting dream. There was a dog and it kept biting my hand, but I was just focusing on the sensation, and realizing that I could feel the strong pain without reacting at all. It felt like I was in some sort of training centre- as opposed to getting attacked by some dog. I could feel the sensation of being bit, and the feeling was soooo strong. But I could just observe it objectively. It was so interesting. And this was in the dream, but I remember the intensity of the feeling on my arms, and how after a few seconds of observing it became soooo easy to just feel it and not react. It stopped feeling like it was happening to ME. It was just this feeling that I could feel totally and fully, but I didn’t have to have any fear or pain. It was so interesting.
I also remember a dream where I was performing ‘On My Own’ for some people.

Growing Energy

 August 10, 2022

    Today is pretty. There’s construction going on outside. There always is in the summer. It’s pretty loud. They’re tearing up the street. 

    I’m going to do a 10 day meditation retreat in a week. I’m really excited- I think I’m gonna get a lot out of this one. 

    I started reading The Convoluted Universe this morning. It’s really exciting so far. 

    Last night was interesting. When I was lying in bed to go to sleep I was just feeling this intense energy in my chest. I didn’t go for a walk before bed, which I normally do. I debated getting up to take the walk but I didn’t. I fell asleep pretty quick. Well at about 2 am I woke up. I don’t really remember waking up. I just remember I was standing over on the carpet. I think I was walking back and forth? There was this enormous energy. It’s the kinda feeling or sensation that has happened a couple times before. It’s hard to explain, and the dream that was happening is even harder to explain, mainly because I don’t really remember. 

    The common thread between these experiences is always the intensity of the potential energy. That’s the part that always scares me quite a bit. It’s not so much that the energy I’m feeling is so strong. It’s the awareness that there is this unimaginable amount of potential energy. I remember sleeping at nana’s one time and in the dream I just saw all these pipes. I was looking at some sort of huge machine, or system. I think it wanted to take over the world. The energy that I felt that it could potentially unleash was enormous, and it scared me. It woke me up crying and nana came. I remember saying that ‘it was too late’. 

    There was another one like that when I was little. In the dream I was in a war and I was hiding from soldiers. They were looking for me. The entity of their army or government or country or whatever was so so powerful. I had to hide from them. In the dream I was in this little ravine and went under a bridge. On the other side I met this thing. I don’t remember what it looked like, except that it was the source of this energy. It was so strong. And it was evil. It was laughing at me. It was just so powerful. There’s a certain quality that these dreams have that I can’t explain in words. It’s actually closer to a ‘taste’. I can’t remember that quality too well once I’ve woken up. 

    Last night I had it again. I don’t really remember the dream. I do remember that this time I was the one building up the energy. It was almost like maybe I was about to roll a die, and I was the one determining the potential energy or influence of a given outcome. I remember at first the energy wasn’t anything unusual, but I deliberately raised it. I was thinking ‘well what if it was stronger- stronger than anyone or anything could ever comprehend’ and once I started thinking that I began to feel it. And it was scary, because it was growing really fast and it felt like it was passing this point of no return. But it was like it hadn’t happened yet. It was just a potential. But if I kept building it up then it would become a reality that I wouldn’t be able to reverse. And at this point I was awake. Maybe not fully awake, but more like sleep walking. I was walking on the carpet experiencing this potential. 
That’s the closest way in words I can put it. 

    So anyways, I decided to get dressed and go for a walk. The energy that was in my body was so strong and powerful. It kinda felt like I was being pulled apart energetically, like I was splitting apart. It was stronger than taking the LSD. So I went for a walk. I felt kinda scared for a little bit. I sat on a bench by the water for a bit. I tried to calm myself by feeling my body, but that’s when I would realize just how strong the energy was. It actually helped to distract myself. I saw a racoon and said hi and that little distraction really helped. I went back home, took a bite from someone’s spicy burrito and got back in bed. I felt much better at that point. 

    I wonder if any of that had anything to do with the day yesterday. I was a very eventful day. I went downtown and played music pretty much the whole day. It’s the kinda day I’ve wanted to make real for so long. I started at the bridge by the CN Tower. I played guitar and sang for about an hour. I made a little boy piss himself! He got really excited while watching me. I saw all this pee suddenly running down his legs. 

    After that I played out front of the AGO for a little bit. Then I met up with Bryan. He said I looked a lot skinnier. April had said the same thing. I feel very healthy and full of energy, so I think it’s ok. I don’t want to do something that’s going to be bad for my health, but I do think I’m eating less. But I don’t think that’s bad. I feel good. 

    I got a slice of pizza and then we sat in Grange Park. I played my guitar and sang while Bryan did some reading for school. 

    Afterwards I played an open mic at Free Times Cafe. Bryan went home to do school work. We met up afterwards for a bit. I took the subway home.

    I felt pretty good about the day. I’d played music a ton and actually made money doing it! I wanted to do this for the practise of playing, and to maybe make a positive impact on people. I didn’t think I would make much money. I’m making far more than I expected. I really want to help raise the vibration of this planet if I can. It’s hard to know if I’m doing anything. I would like to find a way that I could reliably measure the impact I make on my surroundings, positive or negative. That would be such a cool ability to have. I want to optimize my behaviour so that it raises the vibration wherever I go. I don’t want to be playing music to make money. The money is a nice bonus. I want to feel like I’m helping in some way, even if it’s helping at a subconscious level, or even if it’s helping beings that I can’t see. Or maybe it’s helping me more than anyone else? I don’t know. But I would like to be able to measure and know these things. But it’s ok if I don’t know too, until much later. 

    It’s interesting that this dream was the first I can remember where I was the one responsible for creating the energy. Those other dreams involved something or someone else creating it. 

Back To The Body

 August 3, 2022

    That is always what’s happening. It’s always this flux. Things are always coming and going around you. Even when you’re asleep and even while you’re awake. Can you laugh at me like the laughing lotus? 
I love all the loud speakers. They turn on and turn us into a jello pie. That’s cool. Loosen up and just start singing and you’ll feel all the way to your heart. It’s happening now that you’re awake and it’s only getting better. 

    You’re on a cliff and out there is a boat on the ocean. You gotta get to the boat- we’re helping you cross the expanse. Jesus is here and all the helpers from Mars. You’re also getting good support from the Clinton family, you dirty fool. That’s what’s cool about you. You can pull energy from any random place. Even the trees. We’re weird. We have a weird sense of humour. You think you’re weird!! Wow, you gotta meet us. You can’t even imagine, you little dirty assed ass!!

    Last night I woke up feeling funny! It was a weird feeling!I don’t know what it was like. I got out of bed to use the bathroom. I felt normal again almost right away. There was definitely this funny feeling at first. Something felt different. It’s like I was slowly coming back into the body, and sorta checking all the systems before opening my eyes. It was like one body part at a time! But not really. It was more esoteric than that.

Gotta Start Busking

 August 2, 2022

    I’m feeling more all the time. It’s getting easier to hold my attention on feeling. It’s interesting to watch my mind get bored. It starts going other places. I have to bring it back to feeling. I can feel more than I ever could. I can feel things that I didn’t know I could feel. It’s this funny flowing feeling. It’s a very interesting and pleasant feeling. Everything is likes waves. I really feel like I’m learning to train my mind. It wants to do its own thing. I have to keep bringing it back to the things I’m feeling. That’s ultimately where I want to be, and where ‘it’ wants to be. It doesn’t now it yet. It seems to think that thinking is where the real satisfaction is. 

I gotta go do busking. I’m gonna do it on Thursday. I’m nervous. I just gotta start so that I can get over the nerves. It feels like I’m supposed to do this. I like the idea of taking my music directly to the ‘world’. I sometimes like to think it’s like the same as going walking and seeing a UFO out there. I like the idea of being like this supernatural thing coming into existence right in front of people. I want it to make people have the reaction of ‘oh- so that kind of thing can exist?’