Jun 12, 2022
My nose is square. it’s a square nose. I’m almost sad to admit this. It’s sorta weird, don’t you think?!?!?!?
I know that you hate me. I have these dreams every night where someone comes into my head and turns on all the lights. It’s always the same thing. It drives me mad. I’m just trynna lie there and get some rest, but every time I lie down I gotta play the game again.
I’ve tried explaining to my son that he needs to go make some money for the family. He doesn’t get it. He thinks we’re rich. He thinks I’m a wealthy oil tycoon. Id don’t how where he gets these ideas. He’s creative, that’s for sure. I’m thinking of burning him. I’m thinking of throwing him into a bonfire. It’s like an offering to the Gods. I don’t know if they like that kind of thing. I’m not really sure. Do the Gods want my charred son? Will that please them?
By the way, who the fuck does Justin Bieber even think he is? Is he insane? I thought I saw him driving a bus yesterday. I told him to get his act together and build a better transit system. He looked at me and started singing a wonderful melody. I broke down and cried for a few days.
Now I’m all alone again, sitting on the edge of my bed. I’m thinking about killing my plants. I’m thinking about burning their future. I want to own their future. IT’S MY WAY OR A HIGHWAY!
I’m gonna rent a jet and carry them up into the sky. I’m gonna throw them out that fucking window and watch them fall. It’s gonna be historic. The world has never seen this kinda thing before. They need me. They need my reckless ways. They fucking love it. I’m sure that some lady will see this and get turned on. She’s gonna pee her pants with awe. I’m gonna take this opportunity to speak to the nation about love and forgiveness. I’m gonna channel Jesus and Buddha.
Then we can go for dinner. I’ll allow it. We shall have waffles under the stars. We’ll love the sound of waves.