April 21, 2022
Today is grey and rainy. I guess all the plants are gonna start blooming soon, so that’s good. I didn’t run this morning. I don’t know why it feels like such a chore. It used to be so easy to just get out of bed and run. Now it’s so hard to convince myself to do it.
I’ve gotta go to Nana’s today. I talked to Dad yesterday and he said that whenever he talks with her she ends up saying that she feels so scared that she’s bugging me with asking for things. I find it so confusing, because I DO feel like she’s asking me for so many things. I do find it kinda annoying and I always dread having to go there. I was thinking about what she could do to make it better, and honestly, if she just offered to buy me a burger or a sub that would make such a difference! She just has me go there and deliver her things and fix things and then I leave. And then she’s worried that I might not be too excited. Well of course I’m not too excited, I don’t understand how it doesn’t occur to her to just offer something like a snack, or even to pay for the TTC transit to get there. It’s $6.50 to get there and back, which isn’t a ton, but I could buy like 3 tins of sardines with that. Dad said that he knows exactly what I feel, and even Mom has been through this. You get the feeling that she only sees you as a person who does stuff for her, even though she’s scared of us seeing her as that. It just doesn’t make any sense to me how if she’s so scared of being that, why does’t she ask herself what she could do for me in return? A burger would make a world of a difference! I would look forwards to going if I knew that I was gonna get a cheap meal from McDonald’s or a slice of pizza! That would make such a big difference for me!
I sold some stuffed animals yesterday. I sold them for $20. I’m pretty sure the man I sold them to was on Jimmy Kimmel. When I met up with him I just had this feeling that I’d seen him before, but I couldn’t remember from where. He seems to be in his 50’s, he was in a motorized wheel chair, very overweight, but super friendly and out going and had this booming voice. Then I remembered that during the basketball finals in Toronto Jimmy Kimmel had someone interviewing people in the streets of Toronto about the upcoming game. One of the people was a guy in a wheel chair who I’m pretty sure was the guy I saw yesterday. They both had glasses, although the guy yesterday was wearing a mask so I couldn’t see his whole face. Their voices sounded the same.
I’m going to another Open-Mic tonight. It’s at a place called Taco Taco in Kensington. I’m excited to go. It’s nice now that I know so many of the people. There’s quite a few people who regularly hit all the open-mics. It’s really cool. I’m gonna do a new song I’ve written, it’s called Swimming Pool. I performed part of it last time I performed, but now I’ve added to it. I really like the way that stand up comedians do their stuff. They kinda work on it and add bits and remove bits. It keeps evolving. I’m watching a documentary about The Comedy Store and it seems like Richard Pryor was one of the first guys to fully embrace that. He didn’t mind going up with all new material and bombing, because he knew that he would get all these valuable nuggets for the next night. He didn’t care that every single show be perfect. A lot of people talk about how they want to be great every night because you never know when the right person or whatever is watching. He didn’t seem to be interested in that approach. It wasn’t about giving everyone a great show. It wasn’t even really about the audience at all. It was about the material, and refining it night after night. I really like that approach. I like the idea of using the performance as just another spot to refine and experiment, as opposed to seeing it as the point at which everything must come together and be perfect.