Beach Day

  May 20, 2024

    I was just going through my hours with Jayne and Mark. I noticed that I hadn’t been paid for four days. I’ve started working with them on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, in addition to Saturdays and Sundays. None of the new days have been submitted. 

    From now on I need to start recording my times as soon as I leave their place. They’re obviously not doing it on purpose. I guess they’re just forgetting. I’ll tell Jayne tomorrow.

    I almost bought a bunch of beer and cigarettes last night. It was already 9:30 pm. I had even placed the beer into my shopping basket but then changed my mind. 

    I probably would’ve done it if there was a good bar to head over to later in the night. Christchurch is a pretty dull place in the evenings, in terms of night life. 

    I’m glad I didn’t drink, obviously. I wouldn’t have done anything today. 

    I talked to mom today. We got my ticket to Australia. I’m leaving here on June 29th. I’m excited but also nervous. I felt like she was being weird on the phone. She sounded anxious about me being difficult. It was just like the vibe I got from when I was living with Pablo and Yoga. 

    I’m not even there and she’s already stressed out about whether I’m going to complain about being bored. I don’t understand what she’s talking about. I realized that she didn’t seem to understand why living in Caloundra had turned bad. 

    It wasn’t because I was bored. It was because I found out that Yoga and Pablo weren’t happy with how I was spending my days. They didn’t like having me hang around the house working on music and making videos. I was bored with the town, but I was still constantly working on stuff. 

    And so mom is stressed out that I’ll get there for my visit and be bored. But that wasn’t the original problem. The original problem was exactly what she was doing on the phone. It’s other people assuming that I’m bored or not having a good time. That’s what it felt like Yoga was doing with me. 

    I kind of remembered that mom doesn’t really know a large part of me. She’s never lived with me for more than a couple weeks since I was eleven. She knows aspects of me. 

    I often feel that the only person who actually knows me is Carter, because he was living with me for about 3 and a half years. He knows what I do when I’m at home. He knows my hobbies and habits. 

    I often get the sense that most people think I’m very different in terms of what I do with my free time. 
I feel like Yoga and Pablo started to experience the real me but didn’t like it. I don’t really blame them. I can understand why some people might find it hard to live with me.

    I think they thought that I was bored. That’s not what I was feeling. 
    I just like to make things. It’s just a habit at this point. I feel like I’ve been existing this was since I was about 17. 

    I went to Sumner today. It’s a small beach town by the ocean. It’s really nice. It’s right next to the port hills. I went because the library had Carl Jung’s autobiography. 

    I also brought my camera and tripod. I ended up spending a lot of time shooting videos. I love that camera. 

Quake City

  May 18, 2024

I met up with Mason the other day. He texted the Dhamma group chat asking who was in Christchurch. I said I was. 

I met him after finishing at Dimitri’s. He was upstairs having a beer with some friends. I talked with him for about half and hour. It was really nice.

He’d just finished his travels. He was flying back to the U.S. in a couple days. His girlfriend was going back to Germany. I think they were unsure about what would happen next with their relationship. I don’t think they were breaking up. 

He had been travelling for the last 2 years I think. He had been in Asia before New Zealand. He’d also travelled around Australia a few years back. He said he was really ready for some stability.

I could relate to that. I told him that I was thinking about going to University. He was really enthusiastic about that. He said that he loved going to college. He had a lot of nostalgia and wished that he could do it again. 

I went with Mark and Jayne to Quake City. It’s a museum about earthquakes here in Christchurch. It was pretty interesting. They had lots of debris from the 2011. They also had the spire from the cathedral. 

We watched a short documentary featuring interviews with locals living in Christchurch at the time. One woman got caught in rubble and lost her fingers. Another man’s wife was trapped and killed in the CTV building. A cop talked about bringing the prisoners out from their cells and taking them to the river. They met a judge there and held a short hearing for some of the prisoners apparently. 

There was a bike that powered a TV or something. Mark hopped on and started pedalling. After that we went to a cafe across the road. We had some lunch. It was beautiful. 

Afterwards we ordered a taxi. This man with a giant stomach arrived. He was the first white cab driver we’ve had so far. He car was brand new. He told us he’d just bought the thing for $50, 000. He said he was a bit upset about not getting enough well paying taxi jobs. He was only getting short trips. 

He was a bit strange. He was annoyed with how foreigners from Asia were moving to New Zealand and changing the culture. I thought that was strange, considering Europeans did the same thing to the people who were already here. 

Then he rambled on about Trump and nuclear war. He was saying that the world would end if Trump got re-elected. He was saying that someone should film a document about nuclear war and send it to the American government. He said he didn’t want to do it, because then he’d get into trouble. 

We told Sumit, our main driver, about this guy. Sumit knew who we were talking about. He said the guy was such an idiot. Sumit was mainly referring to the fact that this guy had bought an expensive car for taxi driving.

Some Freedom

  May 16, 2024

I finished paying off my credit card today. It’s fitting that it’s the 16. That date has been important recently. I left Melbourne on the 16 and I moved into this place on the 16th.

I’ve got to save for a plane ticket back home. I’ve also gotta see if I can stay in Argentina with dad for a bit.

Mark and I went to his wood working class yesterday. He’s building some sort of a wooden puzzle. He seems to know what it should look like. I’m just helping him measure but he’s doing all of the cutting. It’s quite funny seeing a blind man using a saw and hammering nails. 

After that we went to the acting class. Jane couldn’t go with us. She had something else booked for that day. 

We spent nearly the entire time just talking. It was quite boring. We finally did some acting games during the last 30 minutes. 

The empire of the sun was growing up so quickly. I was honoured to have been invited to study their children. 

I arrived in the middle of night. I came by plane. I went to my hotel and got into bed. I was just falling asleep when a hideous ghost floated towards me.

“Who were you?!” I screamed, my brow beating with beads of sweat. 
“I used to work in the mines,” said the ghost. His voice sounded like it had reverb. It seemed to bounce around the room and echo. “I saved my money. I empowered my family!”
“Oh, well good for you,” I said.

The ghost drifted backwards. He slowly faded away.

The Church Serves Chicken

      May 14, 2024 

I feel I need to readjust me goals. I’m finding a daily song and video a bit challenging. I’m often so busy with my two jobs. I feel like I only have time to record tiny little 30 second things. Something every 3 days is ideal. The problem with that is I tend to get laid back and procrastinate. The daily thing is good because it forces me to finish.

I talked to mom, mami, and nana today. It was mother's day a couple days back so I had to do all the calls. It was nice though. Mom called me, I hadn’t planned on talking to her. We talked for a long time. She’s visiting Liam in Alberta with her boyfriend. 

I went with Jayne and Mark to church today. The food was really good. It was a nice time, but I find the stuff they talk about so lame. 

I used to believe that church’s were a bunch of nonsense and that none of it was true. Now I feel that there’s so much to Jesus that they’re leaving out. They’re putting him, God, and spirituality into this really limiting box. I don’t know why. 

Why they be so lame? I feel like they’re treating me like cattle. Forcing me to conform and to believe and to agree. Feels so limiting.

Very simplistic. Very authoritative. 

I’m gonna talk to Douma and Yoga tomorrow. I’m also going with Mark and Jayne to their classes. That’ll be fun. 

    His mother buried her belongings beneath a pile of dead cats. It was a horrible sight. I’m miserable because of this. 

I Seek A Baby

May 13, 2024 

I had work today. I was sneezing like crazy! Some stuff from my nose even fell onto the grill and sizzled. I was beyond grateful that no one saw. 
I couldn’t do anything about it! I had to keep running to the back and blowing my nose! 

I recorded a quick demo. I didn’t really try, but that’s mainly because I didn’t want to be noisy with the guitar. I think Josh and Leila were sleeping. 
I also wanted to get it done quickly so I can start working on drums and keys for the song tomorrow. It’s pretty helpful to post a song the day after I start it. That way I can fix little things that I may not have noticed. 

I got Beatles’66 from the library yesterday. I’m excited to start reading it. I think that each chapter represents one month. I guess it’s a bit like the Get Back documentary, but book form. 
That’s perfect, because I had always said I wished there was a Get Back style documentary for each album, since their approach to recording each album seemed to be different. 
The way they were in Get Back is not what it would’ve looked like on Sgt. Pepper. You would’ve seen a lot more of George Martin for one thing.

I had burned a hole in the wall. It caused me to become motivated. I stopped and wondered if someone might be on the opposite end of the wall. I stuck my nose through the opening and sniffed, hard. 
I smelt foul cock. I wretched. Then I smelt wonderful breast. I became loving. I crawled through the cavity and emerged victorious. 
I landed upon a stash of gold coins. Bob Dylan’s face was stamped into the coins. I swallowed a few, just for good luck.

A day has passed and I still haven’t heard back from the hot babe. I approached her yesterday and gave her my number. She told me she’d text me that evening. I haven’t heard shit. I decided to go outside and find her. 
I wandered through the streets. I knocked on doors and described her as best I could. I didn’t know her name. That was a major problem. I screamed into the night for her. I just shouted ‘HOT SHISHKA!!! COME SEE ME!’
I returned home just as the sun was rising. The sky was wonderfully orange. It looked real heavenly.

 

The power structure forced me into a fetal position. It slapped my ass as it tied my hands behind my back. It took me to the mall and made me stare at billboards. I tried to close my eyes. It used little hooks to keep my eye lids open. 

I also just realized something. I was about to upload the song and video I did for today. But I if I upload it tomorrow then I can work on the tomorrow songs all day and post it the day after.

    I realize the challenge is to just finish something everyday. To export a song and a music video. I don’t have to post it until tomorrow. That's a lot better. I’m still creating and finishing something every single day. That’s what matters.

Christ Cookies

     May 12, 2024 

The light was in the chest of man. It gave us breath and lent a hand.
I was gifted seventeen tons of animal hide. I used it to bury my son's arrogant wife. She screamed from beneath the floor.

Tony was born for trouble. He’d been beaten as a small child. This had left him feeling terribly insecure. He had sought a cure. Nothing worked. 
Tony decided to heal himself through corn. He became a corn farmer! He grew whole fields of the wonderful health food. He become know was Corn Christ. The children praised him and vomited in sacrificial rituals. 

I went with Jayne to church. It was a nice evening. I don’t really enjoy the services. I still enjoy going. It’s nice to have coffee and cookies. 
I find their style really bland. I feel no spiritual connection when I’m there. I feel wayyy more connected to spirit when I’m at AA.

The music at this church also feels sooo boring and bland. Just really boring chords and melodies. I really want to go to a gospel church. Those look so much more exciting. 
I agree with a lot of the stuff that they said at church, but not everything. I don’t feel that everyone in the world must convert to their church or religion. Every religion seems to say that. Everyone should be encouraged to find a spiritual path that works for them. 

Ben banged his dick against the glass cabinet. His mother woke up. She came storming down the stairs. She found her boy licking the floor. She grabbed his ass and threw him out of the house.
Ben landed on the front lawn. He was humiliated. He stood and wiped his cheeks, as well as his ass cheeks.

“Where shall I sleepeth?” Wondered Ben. “From which direction shall I find safety?”
Ben wandered late into the night. He strolled empty highways. He passed through the parking lots of strip malls. He arrived at the ocean. He was at the end of the world.

“Take me Lord,” whispered Ben. “I beg of thee. I am thy shepherd that ye speaketh of.”
Ben’s cock began to vibrate with tremendous force. His feet lifted from the sand. A brilliant purple light engulfed Ben’s hard cock.
“Taketh me to thy lap,” wept Ben as he was blasted into eternity.

The lone Texan found himself in a dark hole. He scratched at the rocks. Then he thought about sleeping.
The Texan awoke to the smell of bacon. He stood up and rubbed his eyes. 
“How’d you sleep?” 
“Who ye be?” Asked the Texan.
I’m from your basement,” laughed a potbellied policeman. “How about some breakfast?”
“That sounds alright,” said the Texan. 

“How’d you sleep?” Repeated the cop. “How many times must a man ask?”
“That’s a sacred topic,” whispered the Texan. “It’s out of your jurisdiction.
“No no no,” spat the police man as he waved his fat finger like a preacher. “This be my grand papee’s ol’ stompin’ ground. You by in my hood now, bruv!”
The Texan suddenly felt unwelcome. He turned around and wandered into the desert.

Solar Storm

    May 11, 2024

    My feet are nearly numb. It’s freezing in this house. There’s no heating and it’s 2 degrees celsius outside. I can’t wait for warmer weather. It’s not too far off.
I hung out with Jayne and Mark today. We went out and did errands. I also bought new shoes. I was with them for 6 hours. 
    Mom is in Jasper with Liam. I saw a photo. I wish I could be there with them.

    I’ve been listening to an audio book of the Emerald Tablets. It’s blowing my mind. It’s just like the book Initiation I read in January. 

    I’m ready for sleep. I hope that they don’t ask me to come into work tomorrow. I want a day off! I feel like I’ve been so busy. That’s a good thing. I just want a day to finish that book. I’m also gonna call dad tomorrow. 

    My roommates have been closing the doors really gently during the night. I’m been amazed. I didn’t even wake up when Leila went to work on Friday. I’m grateful for that. 

    There’s a fire burning inside of me. Thoth says that my body is a planet, and that I am the star at the centre. I am the light that everything else orbits. It’s amazing.
    He built it all. I want to keep exploring that world. I’m fascinated by the ancients. I’m also interested in knowing what’s inside of me. I want to travel the universe and explore. I want to know the truth of myself.    I know that it’s beyond anything that I can imagine.

    The power was given to the children of men. They descended into darkness and raised their level of vibration over thousands of years. It took time.

    I was out shopping with a basket full of cash. I could buy anything I wanted. I had enormous spending power. I went to the counter and spoke to the girl. I asked her for cigarettes. She gave them to me. She asked if she could have one.
    “Sure,” I replied, removing the plastic wrap. I handed her a little cigarette and lit the dart for her. “How’s that?” 
    “It reminds me of my dad,” she responded, a thick cloud of smoke surrounding her face. I could no longer see her. She was hidden by a thick wall of white cloud. Lightning erupted around her ears. Rain fell onto her chest. 

    I was walking home through the snow. My socks were wet. The lights from the cafe’s was orange. The water rippled and reflected the city lights. I could smell bread. I saw chimney smoke blowing through the wind. 
    I arrived at my apartment. I kicked my boots against the wall before going inside. 
    The elevator ride was quick. I entered my apartment and turned on the kitchen lights. My friend’s dog was sleeping on the couch. He raised his head as I took off my coat. I sat on the couch for a minute and scratched his back. 
    I went to the bathroom and took a warm shower before bed. 

    The dreams I had scared me. I thought I was in Ramsay’s kitchen. I was being screamed at. I was being chased by that British man. He threatened to flatten me with his rolling pin. 
    I escaped onto a ledge. I was 50 stories in the air. I could barely hear the city below. The wind roared through my hair.
    Gordon jumped out onto the ledge. He slowly moved towards me, like a jungle cat.