The Beaches Drunkard

 July 22, 2024


    I got back to Toronto and I don’t remember much. It’s sad in a way. I just got drunk and high. Maybe not sad. That’s not the right word. 

    I’ve obviously been anticipation that moment for months. I’ve been writing endlessly about being back in Toronto and smoking a joint along the water. 

    Well I did. I did it over and over again. And it wasn’t really that fun. Certain moments were nice. It’s just that I don’t remember anything. 

    That’s the weird thing. It just feels a bit pointless. What’s the point in doing something if it costs so much money and I can’t even remember it?

    It’s a tricky thing. I would love to be sober again. I miss that life. I don’t mean being sober and wishing I was wasted. I mean being sober and being high on being sober. I’ve experienced it before. 

    I even felt a bit bad about seeing Nana. We had looked forwards to seeing each other for almost two years. 

    I was fairly hung over when I saw her. I was exhausted. I wanted to just roll over and sleep. I wasn’t myself. 

    I couldn’t appreciate being back. I couldn’t absorb anything because I was basically asleep. 

    I want to recognize the good moments, however. My first night with Carter and Tyler was pretty fun. 

    We hung out on the patio for a while. I remember that I kept hugging them. I was just so happy to be with them. 

    I was barely even listening to what they were saying. I was just happy to be there. I was also getting more and more drunk.

    We went to Castro’s after. I remember having interesting conversations with Carter. The kinda stuff we used to talk about around 2018-2019 when I was drinking a lot. 

    I also had a good night with Carter on the 22nd. We hung out by the beach. We were drinking and talking about super interesting things. I never wanted it to end. That’s sometimes my downfall.

    We went to Castro’s after. I don’t remember much about that. 

    Then we went to the beach and smoked a joint. That was fun. We played each other music we’ve made from our phones.