June 4, 2023
All the whispers added up make tons of ham. It’s the ringing of love. It’s the sound of desperate old age. I’m getting older. Fuck. The feeling of being a teenager is going away. I’m not a kid anymore. I don’t know if I’m ready. I feel like so much of the last few years was thrown away anyways. So much time being drunk and high. So much time being hungover. Why didn’t I get further? I feel like I’m supposed to be so much more. Did I make a mistake?
No I don’t think you did. You are just being held down for reasons that you’l understand later. It’s all part of the process. Nothing to feel ashamed about. Just continue writing to us and being in the present moment. All your questions will be answered from that place.
Dreams
I was in the back seat of a car. Two people were in front driving me. There was lots of snow outside. It was a kinda magical feeling. It was a university town. The road took us by the university. The road actually cut right through the school. I could see all the teenagers starting their day. It was their first morning at uni. They were coming out of their dorms in their pyjamas. They were excited to see all the snow.
At one point the guy in the car asked me what I thought about gender pronouns. If I was annoyed by them. I asked him if he believed LGBTQ people were lying. I told him I believed many people who are annoyed by the new words seem to be using that as excuse for what they’re really bothered by. It seems to me they don’t believe a persons consciousness or soul can be totally different from their body. But they won’t say that, they’ll use the excuse of not wanting to have to use a new word. I guess they’re materialists. They don’t see any separation between the body and the awareness. You are the body, as far as they’re concerned.