A Paradise For My Pooch

  March 14, 2022


It’s a beautiful day out today. At least from inside it is. Well not so much anymore actually. It was pretty sunny all morning, now it’s grey again. I woke up at 8 and read until 12. I’m reading ‘Mila 18’ and I am enjoying it a lot. I’m learning about all sorts of interesting things involving Europe and World War 2. It’s such an interesting way to learn, since the book is historical fiction. All the dates, locations, facts are accurate. It’s the specific characters that are fiction. I like this style because it allows me to really ‘feel’ the events in a way I don’t get when reading purely non-fiction accounts of an event. Because there’s characters that I’m invested in, it sorta allows me to really imagine I’m there and that this stuff actually happened. 
It also makes me angry about war. From a broad perspective, like observing from a distance, conflict doesn’t seem that weird, but when you zoom way in and observe on the scale of humans, that’s when it all starts to feel completely insane. All these young guys in the middle of the country side murdering each other. It’s so bizarre. All the money and engineering that’s used to ultimately end lives. Its such a strange way to spend money! What makes me angry is when they take that technology and thinking to cities. I sorta understand when they’re blowing up bridges or roads or train tracks, but when they shoot and bomb cities and towns, that’s when I start feeling this anger in myself. It’s just so insane. What are you doing? I suppose the goal is to demoralize the people, making the attack and capture of a target quicker and easier.  
I find myself trying to see all this from the perspective of whoever is flying the UFO’s. They must be totally disheartened and saddened. We have so much potential. We could turn this place into the most unbelievable ecosystem. I guess that’s what the Nazi’s wanted, though. That’s the weird and disturbing thing about the Nazi’s. They actually kind of wanted that future. They wanted the world to be a paradise, free from disease and suffering. They wanted a blank slate that they could then build what they hoped might be a better world. They were so close and yet so unbelievably far in their idea of how to make a better planet. It’s a bad sign when the first step in your goal of establishing a utopia involves murdering whatever is already living there. The act of murder is a presentation of how flawed the system might really be. When a system is flawed from the very beginning, even if it seems to be a minor flaw, the flaw might have a broader influence over time as the system grows. 
It’s easy to understand why people are so fascinated by Hitler and the Nazis. On one hand, they had this unbelievable ability to focus and get the job done. There was so clearly a streak of intelligence there. They were so good at what they wanted to do. The part that is so surprising though, is how they didn’t seem to know when to stop. 
It’s sorta like if there was an office building in a city, and this buildings main tenant was Poland. The Nazis decide they want to be the main tenants of this building, so they go ahead and murder and enslave the Poles inside. That concept isn’t that new in world history. The weird part to me is that the Nazi’s seemed to be so confident in themselves, that they decided to keep going. ‘Why not become the main tenant of that building across the street as well! Heck, why not occupy the whole block! Why could occupy the whole neighbourhood!’ 
And so that’s what they seemed to attempt with Europe, which just seems so insane and obvious in its impossibility. I guess they were betting on certain advances in technology? If they had gotten a nuke then maybe that becomes more realistic? But still, this idea that they need to do it as quick as possible just seems kind of dumb. Why not do it in stages? I’m sure there’s plenty of important factors that I’m totally ignorant too. In fact, the idea of doing it in stages may have been the plan, but the fact that England and France got involved may have forced them to just go for it. I don’t know, I haven’t got that far yet. 
I’ve been very excited about Australia. It’s sinking in more and more each day that I can actually do this. I see it as real now. The thought of leaving a city that is grey for half the year is making me buzz. I’ve got something to really look forewords to, if I want it. It’s also made me more aware of my past for some reason. Now that I see I can leave, I’ve started looking at Toronto as one of the chapters in my life. I often forget that I haven’t lived here all my life. I often forget memories of being on the boat, or on Salt Spring. Now I see that Australia can be another chapter, and that Toronto will have been a chapter. 


The idea of leaving people behind doesn’t seem as upsetting anymore, I think because every time I mention it to friends, they’re actually very excited for me! Veronica thought it sounded so cool. She almost seemed jealous. Carter also has been excited about the idea, especially when I told him that I’d be going to Gold Coast. He thought that was super cool. The only people I can see being genuinely sad will be Nana and Mami. Even talking on the phone or messaging will become slightly difficult, since day time in Canada is night time in Australia. I’m excited to see Yoga and Pablo and try the food at their restaurant. I’m a little worried about the weather. It’s gonna be hot, but I’m also worried about all the bushfires they get there. I recently watched the documentary about the recent wildfires in Australia. They were absolutely insane. The scale seemed prehistoric. The videos of the mushroom-like clouds that went straight up were unlike anything I’d ever imagined. So that’s a little concerning. 
I’ve still gotta get my new passport. My Second City class was canceled for the second time due to low enrolment. I guess that means I may be able to go visit Dad. 
I didn’t smoke any weed yesterday, but I’ve been thinking about it today. I’m reading Alan Carr’s book and it’s helping a lot with the weed. He wrote it about cigarettes, but the principles seem pretty much applicable to any sort of addiction. That’s what I realized the other day when I was high. I realized that I’m addicted. I have this powerful urge to do a thing I know I don’t like. Every time I roll a joint, I know I’m not gonna enjoy it. That’s how it was with cigarettes as well. The act of smoking just quiets the withdrawal pangs for the moment, although they always return. And continuing to smoke just feeds that creature, and enlarges its appetite.  
I’m still quite tempted to smoke though, I think because in the book you’re allowed to keep smoking cigarettes while reading. The point is that if you’re having to use will power to refrain from smoking, you’re not doing it properly. Once you get what he’s saying, it becomes easy and enjoyable to stop. The issue with weed is that once I smoke, the effects are with me basically for the rest of the day. It’s not like a cigarette where I felt more or less normal after about 20 minutes. With weed it seems to take a full night of sleep before I’m back to normal. Even then it might be longer, depending on how late I smoke, since it will affect my sleep making the next day potentially miserable. For me, being stoned makes being alive feel like a chore.