The Baby Raiser

  March 10, 2024

I’ve been feeling like fire lately. I can sense the current in my heart. It is fire of God himself! The flames lap at my chest. He pulls me into to the dark.

The radiation was beginning to hurt our baby. It was just a matter of time before he fucked off and died. I called my wife 

“Baby, it’s me. Listen close to these words.”
“Go ahead, say your piece,” mumbled my beloved. 
“I have two confessions to make. They are miles apart. They are not related.”
“Hurry up!” Moaned the beautiful love of my life. “I have a baby to raise!”
I began my two confessions. It took an hour to get all of the details onto the table. Another fifty minutes were spent begging for forgiveness. I was sure that my wife would leave me. I would be on my own. Back to basics.

“So what do you think?” I whispered into the phone. 
“I think you should come home. Let’s sleep on it. We’ll see how we feel in the morning.”
“Oh, ok” I responded. I was slightly surprised. “Can we fuck?”
“Huh?” She squealed.
“Can we fuck tonight?” 
“I ain’t fucking you with a ten foot pole.”
I decided not to push my luck. Perhaps I could convince her later in the evening. I would pounce on her during dinner and impress her with my strength. It’s worked in the past!

Third Day

  March 7, 2024 

I just finished making all my music related YouTube videos public again. I’m going to do a new music challenge. I gotta post something every 3 days! I’ve been in one of those perfectionist ruts for too long! It’s crazy that I made so many songs in one day. And the early Covid songs were done in a day or two as well. 

I went to the park today to work on a song. I felt like nothing worked. It’ll be ok. 
Work has been better. It’s completely fine when Dimitri isn’t there. I feel like it becomes chaotic and stressful when he arrives. He just makes things more difficult.

I booked yesterday off work. I went to meet more people for the volunteering thing. I’m gonna play guitar there on Wednesdays! And it’s amazing because the open-mic is right down the street. So I’ll perform there after. 

I also got a library card yesterday. Today I took out I, Robot. It’s my first Isaac Asimov book. All the library stuff was free! I couldn’t believe it. 

I was meditating Tuesday evening when I had the idea to do the music challenge. This idea suddenly flashed into my head to post every ‘third day’. Then I heard ‘the first song shall be named Third Day.’ But I was told to record and post it the very next day, which I realized was Wednesday, the third day of the week. 
I filmed the b-roll on the way to the volunteering. I started googling the significance of the third-day in the bible. This is what I found. 

Jesus Christ’s resurrection on the third day fulfills Old Testament predictions (Luke 24:46–47; 1 Corinthians 15:4), establishes him as the reigning King (Romans 1:4; Matthew 28:18), inaugurates the new creation (1 Corinthians 15:20, 23; 2 Corinthians 5:17), justifies the many (Romans 4:25), calls believers to walk in newness of life (Romans 6:4; Colossians 3:1), births a global mission (Matthew 28:19–20; John 20:19–22; Acts 1:8; Romans 1:16–17; Galatians 1:11–12), and supplies hope to all believers of their own resurrection (Romans 8:11; 1 Corinthians 15:43–44, 49; Philippians 3:20–21; Hebrews 9:27–28). It also should stressed to non-believers that they will indeed meet the heavenly Judge face-to-face (Daniel 12:2; Matthew 25:46; John 5:28–29).

I’m just realizing as I’m typing that I slept with a copy of the Bible next to me last night. I needed something to put my phone on. I grabbed a copy of the Bible from a shelf in the house. 
As I’m typing this I also noticed that the headshot JPG I keep on the desktop is IMG_1333. I keep seeing threes!! 

I love it when this stuff happens. 
I felt like recording and posting that video yesterday was a sort of ceremonious thing. 
I just realized that it’s March, the third month of the year!

Something's Shifting

  Mar 4, 2024 

Today be Monday. This morning I read some of the Celestine Prophecy. It’s really cool. I’m almost done. I’m thinking of getting the second one next. 

I had work today. It was alright. I came home and fixed a couple things on ‘Faster Feelings’ and ‘Like A Tree’.  
I was super tired. I felt so lazy. I don’t know why.

Yesterday was fun. I came home and saw my housemates hanging out in the living room. There was a girl with them. Apparently she was the girl who was in my room before me. She’s from Germany. At first I felt really awkward. I just felt a weird vibe, like I was interfering with their get tougher. 

They all headed out soon after to get groceries for a dinner they were making.  I thought about leaving the house. I really didn’t want to be there while everyone was in next room for the rest of the evening. I just felt awkward for some reason. 

I looked online for events in Christchurch. There was literally nothing happening. I figured I’d take my guitar and hang out by the river or something. I was about to leave but then thought I’d wait a bit. I decided to take my passport photo for the application. 

They arrived home right when I finished. I was heading out to leave when Leila said I was welcome to join them. She said they were going to make food and then play monopoly. I said I’d be happy to. I said I was gonna go to the park for a little bit and play some music first.

I was feeling much better. I played music in the park and then got some stuff from the grocery store for the dinner. It’s so strange that I waited a bit before leaving the house. I just had a feeling like I should wait.
It turned out to be really fun night. We just hung out and played Monopoly. I feel much more comfortable here in the house now. I feel much less awkward now. 

The last couple nights have also been really good. Josh hasn’t been making any noise at all. I’m wondering if it’ll last, though. Right now it’s 10:30 pm and I can hear him. I’m hoping he’ll have quieted down by 11:30. 

It really sucks when he’s making noise literally all night long. And I don’t want to have to keep asking him to be quiet. We’ll see what happens. 

On Wednesday I’m going to meet some people about playing the guitar at the care centre. I’m hoping that I can do Wednesdays permanently. The centre is in Addington, which is where one of the open-mics is hosted. It could be perfect because I’d already be over there and I’d already have my guitar with me. Addington is kind of on the other side of town, so I haven’t gone to the open-mic.
There’s only two regular open-mics in Christchurch. That one on Wednesdays and one on Fridays. 

Changing My Churros

  Feb 29, 2024

I’m at home. It’s 10:12 pm. I had work today. It was fine. I only worked like 3 hours. Nate is back so it’s a lot more laid back. I was working mostly with George before. That was painful. 

I went to the meditation place across the street today. It was my first time going. It was nice. I still can’t believe it’s right across the street. I’ll continue going. It’s nice to have something so close. 

Last night was rough. My roommate Josh plays videos games for most of the night. He’s usually playing online with people, and so I can hear him talking. He’s in the room below me and the sound goes right through the floor. I started playing rain sounds on my phone a few nights ago. That really helped. 

Last night he kept slamming the door to his room. It kept waking me up. Every time I was drifting off to sleep I’d suddenly wake up again. It was really bad. I started getting so angry. I started thinking that I’d search for other houses in the morning. 

I finally fell asleep. I had these amazing dreams of resolving the issue in a really mature and successful way. I was talking to Josh in the dream and everything was good. I also had the idea that I could just text the group chat. The idea of actually saying something polite seemed possible. That had seemed so difficult when I was lying awake in bed. I don’t know why. 

I was really grateful for those dreams. I woke up feeling really empowered and optimistic. I texted a message to the group chat on my way to work. He sent a really nice reply apologizing and saying that he’d try to be more quiet. I couldn’t believe it! 

Similar situations had turned bad the last couple times. One was in the hostel when I asked the guy to turn down the brightness on his screen. The other time was with Carly in Melbourne.

On Tuesday I went to meet Anita for the volunteering work. I basically helped some people in wheelchairs play bingo. It was nice. The staff were very friendly. The place had a nice vibe. Anita said they had been looking for someone to play guitar. I told her that I played, and that I would love to play music for the patients. It was perfect! I’ve wanted to do something like that for years. 

On Monday I’m meeting her at a different building. That’s where I’ll meet the staff who need the musician. I’m hoping that I can book one day a week off of work. I’ll play music at the centre, and then after wards I can go to one of the open-mics. There’s only a couple in Christchurch and one of them is close to where the patient carer centre is.

Moon Drumming

  Feb 25, 2024

No work today. I worked the last 6 days. I haven’t heard back from any other jobs. I hope something changes.

I’m really bored. I feel so directionless. I don’t know what to do.

 I can make music, but then I feel like I’m wasting time by not trying to find a new job. I also feel like I’m supposed to be researching this ESL stuff.

I guess I can just dedicate an hour a day to doing job stuff, an hour a day to doing blog stuff, and an hour a day to music stuff. That’s actually pretty good.

Douma left for France today. We hung out twice over the last few days. 

Yesterday she texted me about an event at the beach. It was a drumming circle for the full moon. She was going with some travellers that she was staying with.

 I went along. Douma and I took the bus together. We walked around for a bit. The sky was amazing. 

Her friends arrived and we found the drummers. At first I wasn’t really interested. But then I got a tambourine and I had a lot of fun. There were tons of people. Many of them were dancing.

 It was pretty cloudy but the moon made an appearance for a little while. It was a nice way to spend my last day with Douma. 

She told me she had been tempted to cancel her flight. She was thinking of hitchhiking to go visit Pierre. He’s volunteering at a music festival for a few days. She decided it probably wasn’t a good idea. 

I noticed that she had changed her phone wallpaper to a photo of the two of them. It must feel weird for her to be going home. Especially because her and Pierre got together at the end of her trip. 

I’ve been thinking about Toronto quite a bit. I’ve been thinking about how weird it would feel to be home. I’m sure after a week it would feel normal again.

 I miss the Beaches, though. It’s such a nice neighbourhood.  

The albatross circled his prey. He waited until just the right moment. Then he shot down like a meteor. He grabbed the baby goose right out of my hands. I tried to fight the bird. I was no match. The thief took my baby away.

The planet was shaking. The times were changing. Everyone knew it. I was keenly aware, myself.

I thought about old memories of card games with friends. We’d tried our best to have fun. We really wanted to make great memories. But everyone got pregnant, as they always do. 

Our outfits became less trendy. The beer disappeared behind rows of breast pumps. The power tools and bikes were melted down for sheet metal. Everything changed. Love turns to little larvae lads. 

Friends Again

  Feb 22, 2024

I had work again today. I’ve been working every day. It’s good for my bank account. I don’t like the job, though! 

I went to the Prince Isaac Theatre yesterday after work. I talked to a lady behind the desk and she said to come in the morning. That’s when the manager would be there.

 I went this morning and gave him my resume. He said he might email me next week. He was giving a bunch of new employees a tour of the place when I arrived. I guess they just hired a bunch of new people.

I need to look into getting my alcohol license in case I get a call from one of these theatres. 

I don’t want to keep working at the souvlaki place! 

Douma and Pierre were here yesterday. We hung out after I finished work. 

We walked around for a little bit. We went to the park by my place. We lay on the grass and played guitar. 

That was their last day together. Both of their energy was sorta off. I think they were both sad. 

Pierre left this morning for a music festival. Douma is in town for a couple more days. She flies back to France on Sunday. I wonder if anything will continue between them. 

I’m allowed to run upside down. Anything is allowed when I’m asleep.

Papa from space landed on the lawn. He stood there for a little while. 

“Wake up!” He screamed towards the window. 

I jumped out of bed. I grabbed my boots and my comb. I ran down the stairs like my feet were on fire. I opened the front door.
There was Space Papa! He was glowing on the grass.

“Welcome to my presence,” he whispered. 
“You’re back!” I cheered.

“I never left,” he replied. “I’ve always been under your bed. I’ve always been humming.”

“I know! I never lost faith!” I ran out onto the grass and kissed my Space Papa’s feet. My lips tingled. I felt ancient wisdom enter through the crown of my head.

“Let’s eat,” he whispered. “Let’s have an early breakfast.”

I stood slowly, brushing tears from my eyes. I nodded and took my Space Papa’s hand. We floated silently down the street.