Beautiful Birthday

  Feb 11, 2024

    Twas my birthday yesterday. I didn’t do much, but it was a nice day. 

    I went to work in the morning. I was wondering what to do with the rest of the evening. My co-workers said to go to the Chinese New Year festival in the park. I thought that sounded nice. It ended up raining. 

    Instead I had popcorn and watched some of ‘Man On Wire’! It was very nice with the rain outside. 

    I went to the festival the next day. It lasted all weekend. I couldn’t believe that Chinese New Year landed on my birthday this year! It’s the year of the wood dragon. 

    It was also a new moon on my birthday, and the moon was in Aquarius, which is my sign! It was so many cool things all on the same day. 

    It actually feels nice being 25. It’s a similar feeling to when I was in the second half of my teen years. 

    I much preferred 17, 18 and 19 over 12, 13 and 14. Maybe it’s the same in my twenties. I’ve enjoyed the first half of my twenties, but maybe it’ll get even better. \

    I do feel less pressure in some ways. I’ve been obsessed with the age of 24 for years. Kurt Cobain and John Lennon were both 24 when they achieved world fame. I found that out when I was 16 or 17. Ever since than I’ve felt this pressure to do the same. 

    A couple months ago I finally let go of that. It felt really nice. And now I’m 25 and it really feels like a whole new chapter in my life.

    I’ve only thought as far as 24 for past 8ish years. I feel relieved to be done with that. 

Electric Blue

  Feb 9, 2024

    Today I had the day off work. I just uploaded stuff to the blog. I also went to the park and played guitar. 

    I worked the last couple days at the restaurant. It’s kind of a weird vibe. I’m not sure how I feel. I want to work there for at least three months. I definitely want to pick up all the skills of being in a kitchen. Things like how to use a knife and cooking on a grill. 

    But I don’t feel totally relaxed around the family. The other staff is fine. But the actual family always seem slightly on edge. They seem to snap fairly often. I don’t like asking them questions. 

    Dimitri asked me to take some photos for their business. I brought my camera and took a few photos. He didn’t like them. He said they didn’t look professional. I hate doing that kinda stuff for people. 

    I walked by a piece of the Berlin Wall. It was just sat next to some apartments. It had a little plaque nearby, explaining its history. I thought it was pretty cool, but super random. 

    I just realized it’s my birthday tomorrow.
    I also heard that Martin Scorsese made a Super Bowl ad about UFO’s! I haven’t seen it yet. That’s really cool of him.

    My head collapsed. Light filled it up. I was brought to a yellow beach under the stars. A stairway opened up. It was electric blue. I walked up. 

Ox Calls

      Feb 6, 2024

    I woke up scared and angry. Frustrated and foul mouthed. I sat for a little while. I watched the breath. I ascended up, up and away! I felt much better.

    I played around with my ‘Why Can’t I Stop’ song. I was trying to finish the fucking thing. 
I went out and got photos and videos. I explored a river. The water calmed me and talked to me like an old shishka. 

    I felt so cool and powerful. I even got horny and high! I started rambling away like a madman. I listened to artists fart from their mouths. It made me really bored.

    That side of me is dark. But it has many rivets and divots. I just hope to grow and proceed into the next dream. The next one will be much more colourful.

    It feels like a nursery rhyme. Much more swirling. Like clouds from space! Like the eyes of an old cat! 

    I came home. I drank coffee and really let loose. My pants burst wide open. My stomach rolled to the floor. 

    Later on I felt low. I talked and talked with a man. I felt as though I had sold out. I acted in a way that isn’t me. I felt weak. I was a ‘yes yodeler’. A ‘person pleasurer’. 

    Fuck! I felt so ashamed. I didn’t know how to end the fucking conversation. I just stood there wobbling around on my heels! I sipped water like a fake fool. 

    It’s ok. I’m just a babe in heat. I’m growing! I’m like a tiny seed. 

        I CAN DO THIS!!! I’M STRONG LIKE OX!

The Ether

  Feb 5, 2024

I had work today at the restaurant. It was ok. I really hate not being good at stuff. I’m so slow. It’s hard for me to quickly cut the meat, especially the lamb. I also don’t know how to sharpen the knife. I had to keep asking people to sharpen it for me. 

    They got frustrated with me a few times. Everyone tells me to do things a different way. Someone will watch what I’m doing and get frustrated. They’ll tell me to do it a different way. 

    Then the same thing happens 20 minutes later with someone else. It’s pretty annoying. I hope it’ll get better. 

    Maria was alone at the top of a hill. She was in deep distress. She felt anger for how she’d conducted herself. She was mentally beating herself down! 
She grabbed her phone and dialled the only man that she’d ever loved.

    “Hello?” Said a soft and shy voice.
    “Money! It’s me! I’m sorry for how I treated you!”

    Money began to cry. It was loud and lasted a long time. 
    “Money?” Whispered Maria. “Are you ok?”

    “You know how strange this is?!” Money wailed. “I was just doing a meditation trick with my guru! We were trying to manifest something!”

    “What’re you talking about?” Screamed Maria, becoming defensive.
    “I’m being truthful!” Responded Money. “My guru had me pick something I’d like to manifest!”
    “What did you pick? Let's hear you be honest!”

    Money’s voice became stern and direct. It had a bit of vibrato. “I told my guru that there was only one thing I desired. It was an apology from someone I used to love.”

    The wind suddenly began to howl. The clouds began soaring past like quick planes! 
“My guru and I took our meditative seats,” continued Money. “ We began to draw energy forth from the ether.” 

    Maria suddenly flinched and threw her phone away. She couldn’t handle the truth. She jumped and ran away. 

Some Saintly Solutions

  Feb 4, 2024

I had another shift at the restaurant yesterday. It went well. I was starting to get nervous that I wasn’t gonna get payed for the shift, and that there wouldn’t be free food.
But then Maria asked me what I wanted to eat and she wrote down my hours for that shift. So I was very relieved. 

    I’ve been working on a song the last couple days. I’ve been doing a new method that is really fun so far.
I take a song I’ve written and then produce it in the style of an existing song. In this case I’m producing in the style of ‘Your Mother Should Know’ and ‘Hello Goodbye’.
Doing this has helped me sooo much!! 

    I’ve also been sorta confused with blog stuff. What often happens is that I’ll write a bunch one day but won’t take any photos. Then the next day I’ll take a bunch of photos but won’t write anything. 
    I’m thinking of combing both days into one post, in that scenario. But how I should date the post? 
    One option is to show multiple dates within one post, indicating when each section was written. The other option is to just have the posts publish date at the top.

    I think I prefer the first option.
    For example, if I write about a hike I’m going on tomorrow, I might say something like ‘Tomorrow I’m going on a hike’. 
    But when I write tomorrow, I’ll say ‘I finished the hike today’. 
    That will read funny if both of those are in a post with only one date at the top.
    The writing will be specified within the post by date, but the photos won’t be. They’ll just descend from most recent to oldest. 
    I also don’t think I care too much about the dreams being sorted by date. They can all just go at the bottom of the post. 

    Dreams

    I was with the Single Parents Group. We were at an open-mic for music. Paul and Rowan got up. Rowan had a guitar but she was sleeping in Paul’s arms. Paul was doing the signing. He kept kissing her on the head. 
    I was going to sing and play bass, but the neck was broken. I was smushing it back together. It was soft. 
    I don’t remember playing. 

    I’d just landed in Russia. I got on the subway. I was so excited to be visiting a new country.

    I was building something in the woods. I needed a piece that I didn’t have. 
    I started walking up a dirt road. I was listening to a podcast. The guy was talking about the amazing moment when he saw something supernatural. 
    I stopped walking and really realized that I’m going to meet ET’s soon. I started looking around. 
    That’s when I noticed a small crystal alien in the dirt next to me. I picked it up. It was very small. 
    I soon found what I’d been looking for. It was a big jug of water. 

    I was in the bathroom at Malvern. I was using the urinal. Jared came in and stood behind me. I turned my head to look at him. He had a knife. He was trying to intimate me. I didn’t care. I just turned back around. He left the bathroom.
    I started wondering if he was going to stab some other students. I began to wonder if I should’ve consoled him. I should’ve asked if he was ok. 

A Free Feast

 Feb 2, 2024

    I went to the greek restaurant yesterday. I did some more training. They gave me a free souvlaki afterwards. It was delicious. 
    I would like to meet some people here in Christchurch. It was nice meeting all those people from Vipassana. I want another group of friends now. 

    The ladder was hoping to weave upwards. 
    I was just thinking about how to mix my dinner. I thought I should stir it up into a big bowl.

    Today is gonna be a great day. I’m gonna get so much done! I'll record guitar for Like A Tree. I'll do lots of meditation. I'll organize lots of files. I'll find some sorta group to join, so that I can meet people. I'll post photos to my blog. I'll practise piano! I'll learn Free As A Bird and Real Love on the piano. 

    Jack sat in the dining room. He was halfway through a bowl of ice-cream. 
    “This cream is like something from above,” he whispered. 
    A woman entered the room. It was Jack’s nurse.
    “Have you finished eating?” She asked.
    Jack threw down his spoon and wiped his mouth clean. Then he took a deep breath. He closed his eyes and shook his head. “No I haven’t! I’m not even halfway! I’m more like somewhere that you wouldn’t understand!”
    The nurse walked closer. She started to wonder if leaving Japan had been the right decision. She looked like she was on the verge of tears. 
    “Stop approaching me!” Ordered Jack. He was getting nervous. 
    “I’m here to raise you,” explained the nurse. 
Jack laughed at his luck. He carried on eating. 
    The nurse got closer and closer.

    Back in the 50’s. It was sunnier. There were always beams of light reflecting off of cars! Everything happened for a reason! Nothing was left to chance. 

    Have I been growing?
    ‘Yah. You grew two feet in your sleep.’
    Will I make progress this year?
    ‘Yah, you’re gonna start having feeling your bubble. The space around your body.’

   I bought a new pair of jeans and a new hoodie. My old pants sucked. I can’t believe I wore them for so long. I had them nearly the whole time I was in Melbourne. They were way too big for me. My old hoodie had holes in it. 
    I also bought some groceries. 

   Dreams 

    I’m jogging along the road in Toronto. It’s like running on the moon. I go so far with each stride. To stop I just stomp my feet down and skid to a stop. I think I saw Greg.

    Dad sends me an article about the filtration plant in Toronto. The article features a cutaway photo of the ground beneath the building. It shows all these rooms and chambers. There’s a bunch of alien bodies in one of the rooms. I think they’re all dead. Liam was explaining the photo to us. 

    I’m walking along the beach with someone. We’re chatting. There’s another two people up ahead. 
Me and the guy start walking back the way we came. I remember being very touchy with them. He had a female energy. 
    Then we were at a house party. The two of us were cuddling. Some annoying guy arrived. I stopped cuddling because I didn't want the annoying guy to think I was gay. He made an annoying comment anyways. He even made fun of my purple shirt.
    Later on I realized the annoying man took all my cigarettes. I grabbed them back, but I let him keep a few. 

    Dad had a new baby. He was so cute. Dad had to leave at some point so he left the baby with me. The two of us were hanging out in a room. I was trying to make him laugh. He started crying at one point.

    I was in the living room at El Pueblo. I was looking out the window. I saw this weird creature climbing through the branches. It had the body of a spider and the head of a Dorado, but more reptile like. It was as big as me. I called for mom to come see. The creature was gone by the time she arrived. 
A bit of time passed. The creature came back and entered the room through the open window! It was climbing along the ceiling. It went scurrying into a different room. I thought it went back outside. I asked mom if she saw it go out the front door. She said she didn’t. Now I got really scared, because I worried that it was still inside. 
    We listened to the news a little later. Someone said that they’d seen the giant spider at Walmart.