Leaving Lump Land

  June 29, 2024

I’m at the Christchurch airport. My flight to Brisbane is in an hour. I’m pretty relieved to be leaving. 

Mark and Jayne brought me to the airport in a taxi. We went to the Antarctic centre first. That was pretty fun. We got to pet some really fluffy dogs and ride around in the arctic buggies. We went up and over hills and obstacles. Mark had to climb up and squeeze in but he managed. I was sitting across from him. It was funny watching his reactions. 

It was really sad saying goodbye to them. I hope they find someone really good to replace me. They made this trip to New Zealand so worthwhile. That’s the kind of experience and memory I wanted out of this trip. 

    It was such an amazing way to explore Christchurch, and I was getting payed to do it. We basically just laughed non-stop.  

I went to Dimitri’s last night to drop off my uniform. It was really weird and awkward. I got there and said hi to Dimitri. He was immediately angry with me for not staying until September. He said that he was relying on me and that I had promised to be there until September. I thought he was joking. I was just kinda staring at him, not knowing what to say. He was serious. Then he just said ‘ah never mind, nice seeing you, ok bye.’

So then Despina came up to me. That was weird too. She sorta accused me of having got one of the other guys to quit. I can’t remember the guys name. I only met him once. He was a traveler from Germany. I had been telling him about MyCare and how I really liked it. I never saw him again after that one shift. 

But yesterday Despina asked if I had ‘seen him off’. I didn’t know what she meant, or who she was talking about because I couldn’t remember the guys name. Apparently he had quit. She thought that I had gotten him the job with Mark and Jayne. I said that I hadn’t.

I never felt like I could have a proper conversation at that shop. Everyone was constantly eavesdropping in on conversations. I guess she had heard me telling him about MyCare and assumed I got him to quit. 

So then Dimitri came back into the shop. He said that I could keep the uniform as a memory. I thought that was kinda weird, too. I didn’t want that thing. So I left and went home. I threw it out later that night. 

My housemates asked if I wanted to play boardgames with them. We played a few games for a few hours and had some food. That was nice of them. I’m really relieved to be out of that house.

I sometimes find it annoying how easily I seem to forget about difficult and miserable experiences. I went to some absolutely horrible places, emotionally, in that house. And I forget those moments unless I really try to remember. 

    The whole thing seems like a blur. I want to remember those moments so that I can really appreciate where I am now. I’ve been craving this moment of leaving for months and months. 

    I just wish that I could bring Mark and Jayne with me. 

I can’t believe that I’ll see mom, Yoga, Pablo and the baby in a few hours. I can’t believe I’ll be walking around Caloundra in a few hours. It sorta feels like I was just there. Being there psychically feels recent, but emotionally it feels so distant. I’ve felt so many things since I was there. 

Goodbyes

  June 26, 2024

Only a couple more days until I leave. I can’t wait. I did my last shift at Dimitri’s on Sunday. I have to go back to drop off my uniform. I kinda wish I hadn’t agreed to that. 

I was going to hand my uniform in on Sunday, but someone from the family said that I could come back during the week. 

    I didn’t want to do that. I wanted to be done. I’d already said my goodbyes to everyone there. I said sure for some reason. 

I sometimes say yes to things that I don’t want to do. I often have a hard time being honest and just saying no. I want to work on that.

Yesterday was my last day of going to the church with Mark and Jayne. I’m really happy about that, too. I really don’t like the church. I really can’t stand it. 

    I appreciate the friendliness and the warmth. They’re extremely hospitable and the food is nice. But I can’t stand the dogma. And I can’t stand the moral superiority they seem to feel about themselves. There’s this constant judgement about non-christians and other spiritual beliefs. 

They were often asking me if I would continue to go to church in Canada, or if was thinking about being a christian. I told them that I’m interested in Jesus, God and spirituality but that I don’t see myself joining a religion. 

I think they saw me as being a ‘searcher’. They kept describing me as that. And they would often warn me about other religions. They didn’t seem to get that I’m not looking for anything to join. I’m not searching for anything. 

    I know that a connection to God is found by going within oneself. It’s a daily practise. Churches are fine for some people, but they are not essential to knowing God. 

It’s such a strange concept to me. You don’t need to be part of an organization to receive benefits from a fundamental aspect of reality. 

It would be like thinking that you’ll only receive benefits from water by idolizing, apologizing, and singing songs to a glass of water. I’m not saying that doing that won’t improve its effects. It might. But it’s not essential. 

Yesterday the video said that Tarot Cards and Astrology are works of the devil. I got so annoyed.

The Swiss Saviour

 June 19, 2024

    Pierre came to town yesterday. I hadn’t seen him in a few months. We spent the day together. We drove up through the port hills and hung out in Lyttelton. It was really nice to see him. I saw him at the beginning of my NZ trip, in the middle, and at the end. 

    I really enjoy talking with him. He’s one of the few people who I can talk to about my ‘fringe’ interests like consciousness and metaphysics and UFO’s. 

    He’s bought a car to do some road tripping. He’s sleeping in the back. I introduce him to Mark and Jayne. That was funny. 

    We went to the Alpha course. We had a nice meal. I still find the religious videos annoying. The way they talk about God and spirituality just doesn’t feel natural to me. It’s so limiting. They seem so self-important.

    I was with Mark and Jayne again today. Jayne bought herself a nice oak desk. Then Mark and I went to his wood working class. Afterwards we went to drama class.

    The drama class always ends up being boring unfortunately. We always end up sitting in a circle and talking for two hours. It’s kind of crazy. We’ve only done acting activities once or twice. I was expecting something like Second City.

    The guy who runs it is really friendly, though. I just wish there were more activities.

    I’ve got three more restaurant shifts. I can’t fucking wait for that to be done. It’s amazing how long I worked there. There were so many times that I decided I was going to quit. 

    I’ve been there four and half months. That’s insane. Tomorrow and Friday are going to be very long days. My last shift is on Sunday.

    I’ll have more money saved than I thought. I was hoping to have $1500, but I’ll have over $2000. I don’t know when I’m going to be working again. 

    $2000 will definitely be enough for July and August, since I won’t be paying and rent.

    I’m also hoping I’ll get the $500 bond back from the my roommates. I think I will.

    I’m just nervous that there was some rule about not getting it back if I leave before 6 months. I’ll have been in this place for about five and a half months. 

    I’ll be in Brisbane in a week and a half. That’s pretty crazy. The warm weather will be nice.

    Mom was telling me about Athabaska University. It’s the online school that she just completed. She said she enjoyed it. 

    It’s the same one that Gaby is doing. Apparently she likes it as well. So I’m thinking that it could be an option. 

    The upside about online Uni is that I can live anywhere. I can make sure I find a nice place with a nice job. I don’t have to be living in the middle of nowhere. 

    The downside is not physically being at University. Learning online is very different from being in a classroom.

Elk Fur

  June 17, 2024

    I got a new photo app for my phone. It makes photos look like film photos. And it actually works really well. 

    I’d been watching tons of videos about point and shoot cameras. I was watching all the reviews. Some weren’t small enough to fit into a pocket. Some were small but didn’t have aflash. Some were really expensive. 

    I realized how funny it is that I’m carrying around a camera in my pocket at all times, and yet I want to buy another one. I think I felt like it isn’t cool to take photos with your phone. I also don’t always like the way Apple processes them. 

    So I found this app that makes them look like film. And it actually looks really nice. It makes taking photos with my phone so much more fun. 

    The builder’s of the Third Dome huddled under a bridge. They were being followed.

    “Who gave our directions?” Whispered the leader from beneath his wet hood.

    “It must’ve been the wolves,” said his wife.

    The night turned to day. The sun ascended into the heavens. The wet grass became so dry. A great fire erupted. Thick smoke blocked the sun. A new Ice Age began. 

    There were thousands of years of unrest. Mother earth felt sick to her stomach. She cried for some laxatives. There was no love from her cosmic family. She was made to take it. She writhed and twitched in pain. 

    Thousands of years elapsed. The stones had finally settled at the bottom of the valley. The stars were now in different parts of the sky. Only a few wandering tribes remembered what had been before.

    The Legend of Mince was recounted for eons. Those little tots laughed like Boris Johnson when they were entertained in their tents. 

    Then the Spaniards came and looted the baskets. The elk fur was stolen in front of their eyes. They were cold at night forever after.

The dignified found their way into the earth. They settled amongst the Pleiadians. The fish from above were beginning to fade. Their time was up. Everything worked out in the end.

A riddle is nothing more than a pile of flesh. It just steams through [pavement and comes out the other side.

My dad taught me a song to sing when I feel blue. It goes- “Me so young! Me is a son of cum! From the sun I come. My mum has lent me her favourite gun, together we fire it into thy sun!”