Feb 19, 2024
I’m in my room. I just woke up. It’s 7:51 am. I have work at 10:30 am.
Yesterday I printed some resumes. First I went to Alice Cinemas. There was a woman there with a laptop. She looked like a manager. I asked if they were hiring. She said ‘no’. I asked if she knew when they might be. She said ‘no’. She just stared at me and smiled slightly. It was off putting. So I left.
I was feeling pretty low. I walked over to Lumiere Cinemas. The woman there said they were hiring. I gave her my resume. I hope they call me. I really really hope so.
I feel really low. This seems to be a common feeling for this time of year. Last year it was at this time that I started drinking again. The year before it was when I decided to start planning my Australia trip. That winter in Toronto had been really tough. It was freezing and cold and dark. I’d been smoking lots of weed. I’d quit posting a song and video every day the month before. I was sick of everything. I really wanted a change.
I feel similar now. I feel angry with the universe in some ways. I feel annoyed that no one seems to care about all the things I make. I wanted to have a creative life like my heroes. That’s what I wanted to be doing. I feel sad that I’m working minimum wage jobs. I’ll never be able to pay off my debts like this. I’m making only enough to survive.
I talked to mom yesterday. I was telling her that I want a proper job. I want a direction that I can move towards. I just don’t know.
Right now it feels like a better job is the priority. My current job is making me miserable and I can’t think straight.