Papa Phil

 August 12, 2022

    Last night was the final super moon of the year. I went for a walk after work to check it out. I got a slice of pizza and sat by the lake. It was very bright and peaceful. I even saw a few shooting stars. 

Last night I had one interesting dream in particular. I may have had more but I can’t remember. 
In the dream I was walking down Beech Avenue. I remember that there were other cars, but suddenly there weren’t. I looked up towards Queen Street and saw that all the people and the traffic had disappeared. There was a silence, and things felt still and darker somehow. I knew immediately that this might have something to do with UFO’s, because it’s how many people described their experiences to Dolores Cannon. As soon as I suspected aliens my whole body seemed to be taken over. It was like all this energy was suddenly in me. I can’t remember how it felt, expect that it was very very weird. I don’t think I was in pain. It was just a very weird feeling. I remember flailing my head and my arms around sorta like a rag doll. I think I was probably trying to stay calm and not resist, but I don’t remember anything after that.

    Later on in the night I had another dream where it happened again. This time I think I was able to be more accepting of it. I felt like they happened back to back so that I might become used to it. A lot of these interesting dreams often have the feeling of a ‘simulation’. They feel like a training course, like I’m learning how to integrate an experience. The dreams I feel the best from are the ones were I never react with fear during an interesting experience. The ones where I try my best to accept and just feel are the dreams that I wake up feeling the most excited from.

I remember another dream where I was in the Fox. There was a man and his wife and they were upset about something. They were arguing with me. I remember making lots of jokes. I wanted to end the arguing and bring us together. By the end of the conversation we’d become friends. We may have even hugged. That dream made me feel really good, because it’s an ability I would really like to have in day to day life.

I always want to end arguments in a positive way. Sometimes people are angry at the Fox. I don’t like it when that happens. I try so hard not to absorb their anger. Sometimes it feels like I can’t. Like they’ve decided to stay angry no matter what. I don’t know what to do in those moments. I guess I have to just accept them like that. Although part of me says no, it’s not acceptable to let people speak to you like that. Part of me really wants to learn how to debate effectively so that I don’t have to feel like I’m being stepped on. Even sometimes when I see people being rude to someone else in public. I would like to help in those situations but I don’t want to make the situation worse. Some people like Dr. Phil seem so good at taking control of a situation and steering it to a place where people can become closer. I would like to learn those tricks. 

The Dog Bite

 August 11, 2022

    Have you ever seen a shooting star ripple across the sky? I have. It’s blue. It can also be anything you want. It’s allowed to grow over time, even if you don’t like that. You gotta learn to raise yourself up above the mud if you ever wanna get off this planet. You can come back again when it’s all pretty and the issues have been resolved. But for now you need to learn to go inside yourself and raise your vibration. It’s the kinda thing that can definitely be learned. It’s also the kinda thing that will eventually be easy for you. It’s like getting up off the couch. That’s very easy for you to do. There was a time, when you were very small, when this was a very hard task. It took years to learn to stand freely and reposition yourself. It’s the same kinda thing as raising your vibration and literally learning to float. That will be so easy for you soon. You used to do it all the time. You still do it now sometimes, without even realizing. 

    For now you’re here, on this earth, learning lessons and helping those that need help. It’s an experience. You’re getting so much out of this visit. It’s all happening very quickly. 

    Last night I had this really interesting dream. There was a dog and it kept biting my hand, but I was just focusing on the sensation, and realizing that I could feel the strong pain without reacting at all. It felt like I was in some sort of training centre- as opposed to getting attacked by some dog. I could feel the sensation of being bit, and the feeling was soooo strong. But I could just observe it objectively. It was so interesting. And this was in the dream, but I remember the intensity of the feeling on my arms, and how after a few seconds of observing it became soooo easy to just feel it and not react. It stopped feeling like it was happening to ME. It was just this feeling that I could feel totally and fully, but I didn’t have to have any fear or pain. It was so interesting.
I also remember a dream where I was performing ‘On My Own’ for some people.

Growing Energy

 August 10, 2022

    Today is pretty. There’s construction going on outside. There always is in the summer. It’s pretty loud. They’re tearing up the street. 

    I’m going to do a 10 day meditation retreat in a week. I’m really excited- I think I’m gonna get a lot out of this one. 

    I started reading The Convoluted Universe this morning. It’s really exciting so far. 

    Last night was interesting. When I was lying in bed to go to sleep I was just feeling this intense energy in my chest. I didn’t go for a walk before bed, which I normally do. I debated getting up to take the walk but I didn’t. I fell asleep pretty quick. Well at about 2 am I woke up. I don’t really remember waking up. I just remember I was standing over on the carpet. I think I was walking back and forth? There was this enormous energy. It’s the kinda feeling or sensation that has happened a couple times before. It’s hard to explain, and the dream that was happening is even harder to explain, mainly because I don’t really remember. 

    The common thread between these experiences is always the intensity of the potential energy. That’s the part that always scares me quite a bit. It’s not so much that the energy I’m feeling is so strong. It’s the awareness that there is this unimaginable amount of potential energy. I remember sleeping at nana’s one time and in the dream I just saw all these pipes. I was looking at some sort of huge machine, or system. I think it wanted to take over the world. The energy that I felt that it could potentially unleash was enormous, and it scared me. It woke me up crying and nana came. I remember saying that ‘it was too late’. 

    There was another one like that when I was little. In the dream I was in a war and I was hiding from soldiers. They were looking for me. The entity of their army or government or country or whatever was so so powerful. I had to hide from them. In the dream I was in this little ravine and went under a bridge. On the other side I met this thing. I don’t remember what it looked like, except that it was the source of this energy. It was so strong. And it was evil. It was laughing at me. It was just so powerful. There’s a certain quality that these dreams have that I can’t explain in words. It’s actually closer to a ‘taste’. I can’t remember that quality too well once I’ve woken up. 

    Last night I had it again. I don’t really remember the dream. I do remember that this time I was the one building up the energy. It was almost like maybe I was about to roll a die, and I was the one determining the potential energy or influence of a given outcome. I remember at first the energy wasn’t anything unusual, but I deliberately raised it. I was thinking ‘well what if it was stronger- stronger than anyone or anything could ever comprehend’ and once I started thinking that I began to feel it. And it was scary, because it was growing really fast and it felt like it was passing this point of no return. But it was like it hadn’t happened yet. It was just a potential. But if I kept building it up then it would become a reality that I wouldn’t be able to reverse. And at this point I was awake. Maybe not fully awake, but more like sleep walking. I was walking on the carpet experiencing this potential. 
That’s the closest way in words I can put it. 

    So anyways, I decided to get dressed and go for a walk. The energy that was in my body was so strong and powerful. It kinda felt like I was being pulled apart energetically, like I was splitting apart. It was stronger than taking the LSD. So I went for a walk. I felt kinda scared for a little bit. I sat on a bench by the water for a bit. I tried to calm myself by feeling my body, but that’s when I would realize just how strong the energy was. It actually helped to distract myself. I saw a racoon and said hi and that little distraction really helped. I went back home, took a bite from someone’s spicy burrito and got back in bed. I felt much better at that point. 

    I wonder if any of that had anything to do with the day yesterday. I was a very eventful day. I went downtown and played music pretty much the whole day. It’s the kinda day I’ve wanted to make real for so long. I started at the bridge by the CN Tower. I played guitar and sang for about an hour. I made a little boy piss himself! He got really excited while watching me. I saw all this pee suddenly running down his legs. 

    After that I played out front of the AGO for a little bit. Then I met up with Bryan. He said I looked a lot skinnier. April had said the same thing. I feel very healthy and full of energy, so I think it’s ok. I don’t want to do something that’s going to be bad for my health, but I do think I’m eating less. But I don’t think that’s bad. I feel good. 

    I got a slice of pizza and then we sat in Grange Park. I played my guitar and sang while Bryan did some reading for school. 

    Afterwards I played an open mic at Free Times Cafe. Bryan went home to do school work. We met up afterwards for a bit. I took the subway home.

    I felt pretty good about the day. I’d played music a ton and actually made money doing it! I wanted to do this for the practise of playing, and to maybe make a positive impact on people. I didn’t think I would make much money. I’m making far more than I expected. I really want to help raise the vibration of this planet if I can. It’s hard to know if I’m doing anything. I would like to find a way that I could reliably measure the impact I make on my surroundings, positive or negative. That would be such a cool ability to have. I want to optimize my behaviour so that it raises the vibration wherever I go. I don’t want to be playing music to make money. The money is a nice bonus. I want to feel like I’m helping in some way, even if it’s helping at a subconscious level, or even if it’s helping beings that I can’t see. Or maybe it’s helping me more than anyone else? I don’t know. But I would like to be able to measure and know these things. But it’s ok if I don’t know too, until much later. 

    It’s interesting that this dream was the first I can remember where I was the one responsible for creating the energy. Those other dreams involved something or someone else creating it. 

Back To The Body

 August 3, 2022

    That is always what’s happening. It’s always this flux. Things are always coming and going around you. Even when you’re asleep and even while you’re awake. Can you laugh at me like the laughing lotus? 
I love all the loud speakers. They turn on and turn us into a jello pie. That’s cool. Loosen up and just start singing and you’ll feel all the way to your heart. It’s happening now that you’re awake and it’s only getting better. 

    You’re on a cliff and out there is a boat on the ocean. You gotta get to the boat- we’re helping you cross the expanse. Jesus is here and all the helpers from Mars. You’re also getting good support from the Clinton family, you dirty fool. That’s what’s cool about you. You can pull energy from any random place. Even the trees. We’re weird. We have a weird sense of humour. You think you’re weird!! Wow, you gotta meet us. You can’t even imagine, you little dirty assed ass!!

    Last night I woke up feeling funny! It was a weird feeling!I don’t know what it was like. I got out of bed to use the bathroom. I felt normal again almost right away. There was definitely this funny feeling at first. Something felt different. It’s like I was slowly coming back into the body, and sorta checking all the systems before opening my eyes. It was like one body part at a time! But not really. It was more esoteric than that.

Gotta Start Busking

 August 2, 2022

    I’m feeling more all the time. It’s getting easier to hold my attention on feeling. It’s interesting to watch my mind get bored. It starts going other places. I have to bring it back to feeling. I can feel more than I ever could. I can feel things that I didn’t know I could feel. It’s this funny flowing feeling. It’s a very interesting and pleasant feeling. Everything is likes waves. I really feel like I’m learning to train my mind. It wants to do its own thing. I have to keep bringing it back to the things I’m feeling. That’s ultimately where I want to be, and where ‘it’ wants to be. It doesn’t now it yet. It seems to think that thinking is where the real satisfaction is. 

I gotta go do busking. I’m gonna do it on Thursday. I’m nervous. I just gotta start so that I can get over the nerves. It feels like I’m supposed to do this. I like the idea of taking my music directly to the ‘world’. I sometimes like to think it’s like the same as going walking and seeing a UFO out there. I like the idea of being like this supernatural thing coming into existence right in front of people. I want it to make people have the reaction of ‘oh- so that kind of thing can exist?’